


Untitled 51 Couples Crossover

by Ima_Paris_Sight



Category: Multi-Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Teacher-Student Relationship, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use, Underage Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:13:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 37,032
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26345401
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ima_Paris_Sight/pseuds/Ima_Paris_Sight
Summary: Characters from 53 fandoms attend school together. With bullies, grades, broken home lives, and other issues out to attack the teenagers, will they ever truly be together?
Relationships: Ace Copular/Snake, Alexis Castle/Emily Lightman, Alvin Seville/Simon Seville, Andy Davis/Sid Phillips, Anthony DiNozzo/Timothy McGee, Barry Allen/Cisco Ramon, Becky Botsford | WordGirl/Theodore "Tobey" McCallister III, Bert/Ernie (Sesame Street), Boots/Swiper, Bugs Bunny/Daffy Duck, Caillou (Caillou)/Little Bill (Little Bill), Carlton Lassiter/Shawn Spencer, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Chad Danforth/Ryan Evans, Clark Kent/Lex Luthor, Danny Fenton/Dan Phantom, Derek Morgan/Spencer Reid, Dib/Zim (Invader Zim), Edd "Double D"/Kevin, Eleven | Jane Hopper/Mike Wheeler, Ezra Fitz/Aria Montgomery, Gil/Harry Hook, Grumpy Bear/Funshine Bear (Care Bears), Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus, Helga Pataki/Arnold Shortman, Henry Morgan/Lucas Wahl, Joaquin DeSantos/Kevin Keller, Jumba Jookiba/Wendy Pleakley, Kim Possible/Shego, Kimball Cho/Patrick Jane, L/Yagami Light, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Loki/Tony Stark, Luna Loud/Sam Sharp, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Menlo/Randall Weems, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), Mitchell Pritchett/Cameron Tucker, Newt/Thomas (Maze Runner), Oswald Cobblepot/Victor Zsasz, Peter Burke/Neal Caffrey, Peter Niedermayer/Gregory Valentine, Robbie Rotten/Sportacus, Ryan Atwood/Seth Cohen, Ryland Adams/Shane Dawson, Seeley Booth/Temperance Brennan, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson, Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Susie Carmichael/Angelica Pickles, Tori Vega/Jade West, Xander Harris/Spike
Comments: 6
Kudos: 11





	1. Introductory Chapter

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Life and School between Heaven and Hell (a.k.a. High School of the Damned: The Reboot)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/22124248) by [305unreal](https://archiveofourown.org/users/305unreal/pseuds/305unreal), [Hillbilly_Leprechaun](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hillbilly_Leprechaun/pseuds/Hillbilly_Leprechaun). 



> I wanted to write a story with my 51 favorite couples. I was originally going to write an 'Amazing Race' fusion for them, but it turned into a high school story instead. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> My roommate read over this, and xe identifies with Pleakley and said the alien is likely genderfluid. So, I changed it on the bio page.

** Marvel Cinematic Universe **

**Loki Laufeyson** is seventeen, a junior, and the youngest of the family that adopted him (as an infant). He is lean but not thin, and he’s very intimidating. He often smokes cigarettes in the parking lot, plays around with his switchblade, and rides a Kawasaki green Scepter motorbike. After school, he spends his time in the library or at the local park. On his fem days, he wears flowers in some way and is addressed as Vexy. His brother Thor Odinson is eighteen and a senior. He’s a bit on the dull end of the knife, but he maintains a steady job as a mechanic at a garage.

Their cousin Balder is twenty and a college freshman. He was adopted seven years ago when his parents died overseas. He's immature and strives to never do a thing with his life. The boys live with mom Frigga, intellectual property manager dad Odin, snake Jormungandr, dog Fenrir, cat Hela, and ferret Sleipnir. Hela is twenty-seven and has already graduated from college. The only sister, she no longer lives at home but has an apartment in a shady neighborhood.

 **Tony Stark** is fifteen, a sophomore, and the middle child of his family. He and Jarvis have their own workshop in the basement. He’s intelligent, but school doesn’t interest him, so he acts out and pulls stupid pranks. He goes to physics club after school. His older brother, Steve Rogers, is eighteen and a senior. Tony’s dad Howard adopted him ten years ago. He believes in chivalry and patriotism to the extremes. Their younger brother, Peter Parker, is twelve and in seventh grade. Howard adopted him seven years ago. He’s a little troublemaker, but he means well. Howard is the CEO of Stark Industries and a single parent who is rarely home, though the family butler Edwin Jarvis assists more so.

** Sanders Sides **

**Logan Royal** is seventeen, a senior, and the oldest of his brothers. While he still sticks close to the library and computer lab (as he’s done through most of his life), he no longer gets bullied. He always wears a necktie, though it’s sometimes wrapped around his wrist or waist. He’s often cold and distanced from others. Roman and Remus are fifteen and identical twin sophomores, with Remus being twenty-eight hours younger.

Roman is a true theater kid at heart. He’s also skilled in archery, darts, fencing, and any sport that involves a sword-like object and a (preferably moving) target. Remus is an unpredictable wild child. He rarely lies but expresses no tact. He blatantly tells it like it is, and he frequently tries to instigate fights. The brothers live with their single, homophobic mom.

 **Patton Sanders** is eighteen, a senior, and is a middle child among his brothers. Despite being open-minded and caring, he’s very anti-social and picky when choosing friends. He’s a sort of pastel punk, signing up for activism marches and vigils. He’s also openly pansexual. Janus is his twin, twenty-three hours younger.

He’s a pathological liar and an extreme germophobe. He doesn’t trust easily but will help his family in an instant. Thomas is fifteen and a sophomore. He’s openly gay and overtly friendly to everyone he sees, in the hopes that he’ll spread positivity. Shae is thirteen and in seventh grade. He’s the quietest of his brothers. Patrick and Christian are twenty-three. They still share a bedroom but don’t mind. The brothers live with their single mom.

** Supernatural **

**Dean Winchester** is sixteen, a junior, and the oldest of his brothers. School is a joke for him. he’s been to twenty-two schools since first grade. He never brings anything to class, makes out with and cheats on the popular girls, and calls his teachers, ‘sweetheart.’ Sam is fifteen and a sophomore. He’s more serious about school. He brings a backpack and keeps to himself. Although he knows how to fight, he refuses and becomes another target for bullies.

Their younger brother, Jack Kline, is twelve but in eighth grade. He’s a smart kid and has his future planned out. He’s also constantly anxious and on anti-depressants. Dean and Sam’s guardian – professional hunter Uncle Bobby Singer – adopted Jack three years ago when Jack’s dad was incarcerated, and his mom committed suicide. Bobby is a single parent.

 **Castiel Novak** is eighteen, a senior, and is stuck in the middle of his family. He’s naïve and keeps to himself, but he’s also impulsive and competitive when the time calls for it. He also has a high alcohol tolerance since his brothers use alcohol to destress. Bart is fifteen and a freshman. He plans to be a soldier or a veterinarian. Uriel is sixteen and a junior. He’s impatient but has a good sense of humor. He’s closest to Anna. Gabe is nineteen but is repeating his senior year since he got expelled last year.

He loves his family and is frenemies with Loki. Rather than take detentions or suspensions, he poses as a janitor after school on days he winds up in trouble. Luci Milton is twenty-one and the Novaks’ paternal half-brother. He’s an outcast and a rebel. He works as a bartender. Mike is twenty-five and a college senior. He practically raised Luci growing up, so he’s very strict yet he sees himself as a ‘good son.’ Anna Milton is thirty and Luci’s older sister. She’s compassionate and trusting to a fault. The siblings live with their absent single pastor dad Chuck.

** The Flash/Arrow **

**Barry Allen** is sixteen, a junior, and barely older than his adoptive sister. He’s on the soccer team and watches Fred Astaire and Frank Sinatra musicals together on rainy nights, a tradition he started with his mom. He aces chemistry and is president of the physics club. Iris West is also sixteen and a junior, but he’s one hundred and two days older than her. She takes martial arts, and she likes to sneak out at night – even if only to the roof. Iris’ single dad Joe raises them. He’s a cop.

 **Cisco Ramon** is _also_ sixteen and a junior, but he’s the youngest in his family. He’s constantly bullied at school and lets his bullies copy his homework. He collects tech magazines. After school, he’s in physics club and he delivers pizza – depending on the day. Dante is eighteen and a college freshman. He’s in a classical music band, but he’s also a heavy gambler. The brothers live with their mom and dad.

** NCIS **

**Tim McGee** is sixteen, a senior, and older than his adopted sister. He’s a military brat and has been to seventeen schools. He doesn’t pay much attention in school but aces his classes. He likes to fly his drones and play computer games at home. Sarah is also sixteen but is a junior. She takes martial arts and likes to play video games with Tim. Their single dad, Admiral John, adopted her when she was five months.

 **Tony DiNozzo** is seventeen, a senior, and an only child. He watches _The Little Prince_ when he’s upset; it was the last movie he watched with his mother nine years ago. He’s been to six boarding schools, but his dad is allowing him to spend his last year in a public school. He plays football, and his best class is physical education. His dad, Anthony Sr, is a single parent – who is rarely home, and continually on dates to scope out a new wife.

** Buffy the Vampire Slayer **

**Spike Pratt** is eighteen, a senior, and the middle child of his family. He’s an intimidating outcast in a leather jacket and smoking cigarettes in the parking lot. English is his best class, and he has a surprising affinity for poetry. Clem is seventeen and is also a senior. Spike’s mom Anne adopted him thirteen years ago. He likes playing poker with Spike, though he is nonviolent and gentle. Angel is nineteen and is a college freshman.

Anne adopted him fifteen years ago. He and Spike compete over everything – from girls to who gets the car. Anne is a single parent. She genuinely loves her sons but has difficulties expressing her emotions. She and her friend group – Gertrud Kapelput, Diane Reid, Emma Webster, Martha Rodgers, Martha Hudson, and Sophie Cohen – spend a lot of their time at a local jazz club.

 **Xander Harris** is fifteen, a sophomore, and an only child. He relies on sarcasm, even when being bullied. He’s a little slow when it comes to math, but his best friend Willow tutors him. He lives with his mom Jessica and dad Anthony.

** Criminal Minds **

**Derek Morgan** is sixteen, a junior, and the middle child of his family. He’s on the basketball team and has a casino-themed basement that his dad built years ago. He likes to go down there and play pool when he’s upset. Desiree is fourteen and a freshman. She takes Judo classes and asks Derek to read Kurt Vonnegut to her when she’s upset. Sarah is twenty-one and a college sophomore. Derek and Desiree live with their single caterer mom Fran and a dog named Clooney.

 **Spencer Reid** is thirteen, a junior, and an only child. He has an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, and can read 20,000 words per minute. He likes to teach himself new languages, and he tends to ramble on if he’s familiar with a topic. Despite being bullied, he opts to stay after to clean classrooms for teachers and work on extra credit so as not to return home. His mom, Diane, is a single parent.

** Alvin and the Chipmunks **

**Alvin Seville** is fifteen, a sophomore, and the oldest of his brothers. He’s never seen without his favorite red baseball cap, and he has very quick reflexes. He understands basic French, and he’s on the junior varsity football team. **Simon** is five minutes younger than him and is also a sophomore. He has a very dry sense of humor, and he has an IQ of 164.

He tends to keep to himself in a self-made workshop he’s fashioned into the basement. Theodore is twelve and in seventh grade. He’s naïve, keeps around a security teddy bear, and loves culinary arts. He cares a lot about self-image and goes for a run every morning. The brothers were adopted by Dave nine years ago. Dave is a professional songwriter and single parent.

** Caillou x Little Bill **

**Caillou L'Heureux** is fourteen, a freshman, and older than his sister. He knows a lot about cars and dinosaurs, and he plays the piano. Rosie is twelve and in seventh grade. She’s coulrophobic, plays soccer, and won’t eat pizza without olives. The siblings live with their mom Doris, dad Boris, and a gray tabby named Gilbert.

 **LB Glover** is also fourteen and a freshman, but he’s the youngest of his family. He’s inquisitive and is a big fan of the Blue Sox baseball team. He collects Captain Brainstorm comics. Bobby is seventeen and a senior. He plays violin and is on Student Council. April is nineteen and a college freshman. She’s on the basketball team and is very competitive. She’s a tutor in English and sign language. She also sings in her church choir and has since she was ten. The siblings live with their mom Brenda, building inspector dad Bill Sr, great grandmother Alice the Great, and a hamster named Elephant.

** Care Bears **

**Grumpy Dermer** is sixteen, a junior, and an only child. He’s a good engineer and works at a garage. Despite being antisocial, people sometimes come to him for tough love advice. He lives with his single dad Noble.

 **Sunshine Black** is also sixteen and a junior, but older than Cher. Sunshine is genderfluid but doesn't care for gender-neutral pronouns. She generally feels and dresses feminine; however, on her masculine days, she wears a red baseball cap or sweatband and is addressed as Sunny. She’s a thrill-seeker and can’t stand to be cooped up – but this doesn’t mean that she doesn’t like to settle down with a good book sometimes. Sometimes, she sneaks out wearing a purple wig and one of her rock/metal concert shirts to hang out with Grumpy. Cher is ten minutes younger than Sunshine. She plays the tambourine and takes her duties seriously on the Student Council. The sisters live with their single mom True.

** Recess **

**Taylor Menlo** is fifteen, a sophomore, and an only child. He’s generally athletic, but he prefers to stay indoors. He’s very strict and organized, and he stands up against bullies – though it doesn’t always work. he has a very select group of friends, but he doesn’t mind. He lives with his single mom.

 **Randall Weems** is also fifteen, a sophomore, and an only child. He’s starkly unpopular, and he’s learned to stick close to the shadows. He’s very adept at the high-tech lifestyle, though he plans to become a bartender since people always talk to them. He doesn’t have any friends, which upsets him, and he’s bullied a lot. He lives with his dad Leonard while his mom is stationed in Syria.

** White Collar **

**Peter Burke** is eighteen, a senior, and an only child. He’s a mathlete and can bench press three-fifty. He usually abides by perseverance and hard work, though his girlfriend Elle can sometimes convince him to bend a rule or two. He lives with his single archaeologist mom Maureen and a yellow lab named Satchmo. 

**Neal Caffrey** is fifteen, a sophomore, and an only child. He is proud of his ability to charm his way out of (or into) anything. His best classes are art and history, and he frequents a pool hall after school on most days. He lives with his mom since his dad was incarcerated years ago.

** The Looney Tunes Show **

**Bugs Bunny** is fifteen, a sophomore, and younger than his brother. He frequently smokes Eagle 20 cigarettes, calling them carrots due to the box color. He’s generally suave, but he has no sense of direction. He’s a smart-alek, which causes problems with his teachers. Despite his popularity among the students, he likes to crossdress and slip out for time alone.

Porky Pig is sixteen and a junior. He has a ridiculously thick stutter which often leads him to be bullied. He’s generally a nice guy, but his temper is legendary. He’s crazy prepared and has an interest in cooking. Bugs and Porky live with Porky’s mom – she adopted Bugs thirteen years ago

 **Daffy Duck** is eighteen, a senior, and an only child. Daffy loves drama and is involved in all things related to theater. He always wears his grandmother’s pearl choker that she gave him when he was very young – though he claims it’s worn for medical reasons. His best friend calls him “a mean-spirited, self-absorbed, disturbed little weirdo” – so he decides to turn that into something. Elmer Fudd adopted him seventeen years ago.

** Kim Possible **

**Kim Possible** is fourteen, a freshman, and older than her siblings. She’s the captain of the cheer squad and works at Bueno Nacho. She’s involved in many extracurricular activities yet maintains straight A’s. she’s polite and helpful, but she’s also a bully hunter – calling it ‘sensitivity training’. Tim and Jim are ten and in seventh grade. They’re always inventing something in either their shared bedroom, the backyard, or the garage. They have a knack of finishing each other’s sentences. They live with their mom Ann and dad James Sr: a brain surgeon, and a rocket scientist, respectively.

 **Sheila Go** is eighteen, a senior, and the oldest of her siblings still at home. She doesn’t play well with others, though she enjoys playing with fire – figuratively and literally. She’s very competent but grows bored easily and is unambitious in school. Mikail {pronounced mee-kale} is seventeen and a junior. He’s very self-centered and has purple streaks in his black hair to stand out. Despite having a big ego toward himself, he’s very antisocial.

Weaver and Thaine are twelve and in eighth grade. They are an energetic set of twins. They do everything together and are often treated as one person. Like Jim and Tim, they finish each other’s sentences. The siblings live with their single mom Electra.

** Merlin **

**Merlin Emrys** is fifteen, a sophomore, and an only child. He’s secretly skilled in martial arts and knife fighting; that and his aromantic sexuality got him booted from his last school. He takes on the role of a nurse’s aide. He lives with his mom Hunith every two weeks, and he lives with his uncle Gaius in the meantime. Gaius is the school nurse.

 **Arthur Pendragon** is seventeen, a senior, and older than his sister. He’s a spoiled jerkass who constantly gets into fights. He’s in ROTC [under Colonel Monogram] and under a lot of pressure from his dad. He’s the captain of the rugby team and is very competitive. Morgana is fifteen and a sophomore. She was adopted as an infant. She’s a very popular underclassman, and she uses her popularity to manipulate her classmates. They live with their single trial lawyer dad Uther.

** Gotham **

**Victor Zsasz** is seventeen, a senior, and an only child. He’s a sassy badass, and he goes to the synagogue every Sunday with Oswald’s family. He frequently walks into conversations, random classrooms, and anywhere where there’s food. He lives with his grandmother.

 **Oswald Cobblepot** is eighteen, a senior, and older than his siblings. He’s an emo punk who gets into fights constantly. He’s another teen who can be found smoking in the parking lot. He has a fake ID and smuggles in alcohol every week. He’s also a proud mama’s boy. Ivy is fourteen and a freshman; Oswald’s mom Gertrud adopted her ten years ago. She loves plants and talks to them as though they’re people. His dad remarried and lives outside the city with his wife Grace, and stepchildren Sasha and Charles. Sasha is sixteen and Charles is fifteen, and both are sophomores.

** YouTube **

**Shane Dawson** is eighteen, a senior, and the youngest in his family. He’s regularly bullied but doesn’t give a shit what people think about him. he loves conspiracy stories, ghost hunting, and makeup tips. He lives with his single fitness trainer mom Teresa and orange tabby Cheeto. Shane’s brother Jerid is twenty-one, and Jacob is twenty-six, but they rarely visit home.

 **Ryland Adams** is fifteen, a sophomore, and the middle child of his family. He’s the ‘sensible mom’ among his small friend group. He loves makeup routines but thinks he’s ugly and likes to crossdress. He exercises daily. Morgan is fourteen and a freshman. She believes in aliens and has a ghost friend. She and her best friend Trisha are bullied and ousted as toxic. Ryland and Morgan live with their mom Vicki, dad Bruce, and dog Uno. Austin is eighteen; he’s out of school and the house.

** Bones **

**Temperance Brennan** is fourteen, a senior, and younger than her brother. She has a lack of social skills but is headstrong in sciences. Her mouth has no filter, and she’s usually in a science lab or the library… or detention. Russ is eighteen and is also a senior. He works as a mechanic but is a vandal at night. They live with their single boy scout guide dad Matthew.

 **Seeley Booth** is eighteen, a senior, and older than his brothers. He’s coulrophobic, and his best classes are art and dance. Jared is fifteen and a sophomore. Lance Sweets is fourteen and a freshman. He’s on the chess team and plays the piano. He blares rock music over his headphones when he’s stressed. Wendell Bray is also fourteen and a freshman. He’s on the hockey team and is a reporter for the school paper.

He doesn’t smoke but holds an unlit cigarette in his mouth to help him think when he’s stressed. Lance and Wendell were adopted by Seeley and Jared’s mom Marianne nine years ago, thinking it would look good for her image since he came from a troubled foster home. They live with their grandmother Alice.

** Castle x Lie to Me **

**Alexis Castle** is eighteen, a senior, and an only child. She plays violin, is on the cheer squad, and is on the fencing team. She’s in the student government and is one of the school theater managers. She lives with her author dad Richard and community theatre actor Grandmother Martha, but her mom Meredith occasionally visits.

 **Emily Lightman** is sixteen, a junior, and an only child. She makes A’s and B’s, and she can read body language better than an average psychologist. She lives with her divorced deception expert dad Cal, though she periodically visits her mom Zoe in Chicago.

** Lilo & Stitch **

**Jumba Jookiba** is eighteen, a senior, and an only child. He’s on the basketball team and the dance squad. He loves science, especially physics. Jacques von Hämsterviel adopted him ten years ago to be his protégé.

 **Wendy Pleakley** is sixteen, a junior, and the oldest of his siblings. Xe’s on the basketball team and in an after-school culinary arts club. Pixley is fifteen and a sophomore. She’s stuck-up and lonely, but she has a high-rising job at the company where her mom is CEO. Bertley is thirteen and in eighth grade. He’s lazy and wants out of the family. They live with their single planetarium mom Scout.

** Riverdale **

**Joaquin DeSantos** is seventeen, a senior, and the oldest of his siblings at home. He’s a snarky member of the Serpents, a shady gang. While he doesn’t smoke, he has a motorbike that he built from scraps, and he’s very intimidating. Ricky is thirteen and in eighth grade. He’s aggressive, but he likes to play Dungeons & Dragons. He’s also on the baseball team. Jughead Jones is sixteen and a junior. He’s a reporter for the school paper, but he’s an emo teen who doesn’t get much sleep.

Jughead’s dad, FP, adopted Joaquin and Ricky eight years ago. FP is the leader of the Serpents. Jellybean is also thirteen and in eighth grade, but she lives with her mom Gladys. Chic and Charles Smith are twenty-seven; FP is their dad, while Alice Cooper – formerly Smith – is their mom.

 **Kevin Keller** is sixteen, a junior, and an only child. He frequently sneaks out at night to cruise for sex at a gay club called The Woods. He lives with his sheriff dad Tom, mayor stepmom Sierra, and sixteen-year-old junior stepsister Josie McCoy.

** High School Musical **

**Chad Danforth** is sixteen, a junior, and the oldest of his siblings. He’s on the basketball team, and he works in the local scrapyard. He’s sleeping his way through the girls’ sports teams. Jag is fifteen and a sophomore. She competitively rides her bicycle, and she surpasses the pressure put on her. Hunter and Phoenix are seven and in second grade. Hunter is a girl scout, but she’s terrible at archery and coordination. Phoenix is obsessed with theatre and dreams of being a Hollywood star. The twins also take dance classes. The brother and sisters live with their moms Martha and Davina.

 **Ryan Evans** is sixteen, a junior, and is younger than his sister. He has dyslexia but is co-president of the drama club. He likes to smoke weed and hit the batting cages at his family country club when he’s stressed. Sharpay is eight minutes older than him. She’s co-president of the drama club, and she has earned the nickname ‘Ice Princess’ due to her popularity and constant demands. She’s strived for an acting career since kindergarten, and she’s willing to do whatever it takes – blackmail, speed, starvation, etc. – to achieve it. They live with their mom Darby, dad Vance, and several staff members who live in a guest house on the property.

** The O.C. **

**Seth Cohen** is fifteen, a sophomore, and an only child. He’s a classic nerd from comics to obscure punk music. He’s considered a loser despite his wealthy status, and he’s constantly bullied at school. He lives with his architect mom Kirsten, public defender dad Sandy, and housemaid Rosie.

 **Ryan Atwood** is sixteen, a sophomore, and younger than his brother. He’s a quick-tempered teen and member of the El Rancho Dirtbags gang. He tends to physically express his anger, and he smokes cigarettes to calm down. Trey is twenty, and he dropped out of school six years ago. He’s a con artist and a gambler. He’s a Dirtbag like his brother. While Ryan’s specialty to hand-to-hand combat, Trey’s is carjacking.

They live with their mom Dawn and stepdad-to-be AJ; at times, they seek out refuge with other Dirtbag members: Theresa Diaz, Eddie Ericson, Kevin Volchok, Casey Ewell, Sadie Campbell, Jess Sathers, or Donnie Weston.

** Dora the Explorer **

**Swiper Foxx** is eighteen, a senior, and an only child. He’s shifty and steals things only to hustle them off later. He enjoys engineering and is in the physics club. He lives with his grandmother.

 **Boots Sietz** is fourteen, a freshman, and is the middle child. He takes gymnastics classes and likes to practice parkour. He isn’t very good at making decisions. Toni is seventeen and a senior. She’s on the cheer squad. Sam is eleven and in sixth grade. She’s taking dance classes. They live with their mom and dad.

** Ed, Edd, ‘n Eddy **

**Kevin Burns** is sixteen, a junior, and an only child. He’s on the football team and fake dates his friend Nazz van Bartonshmeer to keep the other girls away. His best class is shop, and he likes to work on his bike in his spare time. He lives with his dad, who works in a candy factory.

 **Edd Pensky** is fifteen, a junior, and an only child. He has OCD and severe anxiety, and he’s in the physics club. He’s intelligent but doesn’t try too hard in school – because he doesn’t want to leave behind his only two friends. He keeps an ant farm and is the reluctant waterboy for the football team. He lives with his mom and dad.

** The Mentalist **

**Kimball Cho** is seventeen, a senior, and an only child. Witches and the supernatural keep him on edge. he has a CB radio and occasionally talks to people on it. At school, he’s usually found in the library. His nickname is Iceman. His mom has custody of him, but he lives with the Avon Park Playboys – KS, TY, Jon-Jon, and David Seung. TY is fourteen and a freshman. He’s very stealthy and has earned the nickname demon Hunter.

His specialty is picking locks. Jon-Jon is fifteen but dropped out of school. His nickname is Groundskeeper, and he likes to (literally) play with fire. David is also seventeen and a senior. He’s involved in theatre and plans to be a stuntman after graduation. He has a deadly aim with a rifle. KS is nineteen but dropped out of school at sixteen. He’s the leader of the Playboys. He’s an avid motorcyclist.

 **Patrick Jane** is eighteen, a senior, and an only child. He’s often depressed, blaming himself for his stepsister Angela and half-sister Charlotte’s deaths, though he covers it up with a quick smile and a joke or an analysis. He’s curious and mostly self-taught – which gets him into trouble more times than not. He lives with his dad Alex. Patrick’s disowned stepbrother Danny Ruskin lives with his mom Sam, and her new husband Pete.

** The Powerpuff Girls **

**Snake Ingleberry** is sixteen, a junior sometimes, and older than his sister. He’s taking a few remedial classes, but he aces math classes. He’s often bullied for wearing skirts and black lipstick. Ivy is eleven minutes younger than Snake. She has “magic fingers” and has a job as a masseuse at the mall. She sometimes uses her ability to shoplift small items. The siblings live with their dad, but Snake has his own room at Ace’s shack.

 **Ace Copular** is seventeen, a senior sometimes, and an only child. He’s a sweet talker despite usually being hungover or partially high. He plays bass guitar out of boredom, a talent engraved in him from consistent practices in his childhood. He likes to work on bikes in the junkyard and play games in the arcade with pickpocketed cash. He lives with his mom and dad, but he also owns a shack in the town’s main junkyard.

** Rugrats **

**Angelica Pickles** is sixteen, a junior, and an only child. She aspires to become a movie star and is heavily involved in theater. Her backup plan is to become a teacher, preferably a drama teacher. She takes ballet classes and is a reporter for the school paper. She lives with her MegaCorp CEO mom Charlotte, dad Drew, and cat Fluffy.

 **Susie Carmichael** is sixteen, a junior, and the youngest of her family. She plans on being a singer; she’s in the school and church choirs. Her backup plan is to become a doctor at the hospital she interns at. She drives a red Toyota Avalon that’s a hand-me-down from her brother Buster. She fluently speaks French and takes Latin classes. Edwin is nineteen and a senior in college.

He doesn’t like to drive and prefers public transportation. He spends most of his time in the campus library. Susie and Edwin live with their obstetrician mom Lucy and kids’ TV producer dad Randy. Buster is twenty-one and a sophomore in college; he lives on campus. Alyssa is twenty-nine; she lives with her husband Ty and three-year-old daughter Gabby.

** Sherlock **

**John Watson** is eighteen, a senior, and younger than his sister. He has plans to be a physician, and he’s in ROTC. He also takes martial arts classes and is on the archery team. He also plays clarinet and rugby. He has a gun license and likes to go down to the shooting range to overcome depression when he’s bored. He lives with his alcoholic dad Pickens. Harry is twenty and lives in a rehab facility.

 **Sherlock Holmes** is fifteen, a senior, and younger than his brother. He often finds himself bored, taking a gun from the armory downstairs, and heading to the shooting range when he’s bored. He dislikes literature and astronomy. He’s barely passing politics/government, and he does average in botany and geology. He maintains an A-B average in law and excels in his chemistry class. He has the highest grades in the school in philosophy. He’s also an expert boxer, fencer, and singlestick player. Sherlock lives with his absentee dad and ‘not a housekeeper’, Martha Hudson. Mycroft is twenty-two and a senior in college.

** Avatar: The Last Airbender **

**Zuko Iwamatsu** is sixteen, a junior, and older than his sister. He likes to (literally) play with fire, work on his bike, and smoke in the parking lot. He frequently breaks into the school after hours to swim in secret, though he’s not on the swim team. He’s in ROTC and is a master of many forms of martial arts. He lives with his Jasmine Dragon manager uncle Iroh Baldwin. Zuko’s sister Azula is fourteen and a freshman; she lives with their single dad Ozai.

 **Sokka Sogliuzzo** is also sixteen, a junior, and older than his sister. His best class is art, and he plans to be an architect. Thrift shopping is his favorite after school pastime. Katara is fourteen and a freshman. She’s on the swim team and plans to go into healing and become a doctor at the hospital where she interns. The siblings live with their single dad Hakoda.

** Sesame Street **

**Bert Frankston** is fifteen, a sophomore, and five minutes older than his brother. He has a serious personality and doesn’t always pick up on jokes or sarcasm. He likes to spend time in the library or watching the pigeons in the back lot. He has OCD but not to an extreme. Bart is also fifteen and a sophomore. He’s cheerful but a bit overbearing. The twins live with their single mom. Bert and Bart’s sister, Teresa, is seventeen and a freshman art major in college.

 **Ernie Jacobson** , like the Frankston twins, is a fifteen-year-old sophomore but is also an only child. He likes pulling harmless pranks and making puns. His best subject is art, and he plays the sax in band. He lives with his mom and dad, but they’re rarely home.

** Pretty Little Liars **

**Ezra Fitz** is twenty-two, a college junior, and older than his brother. He’s in his first preliminary year of high school teaching, and he drives a silver Toyota Camry. He enjoys poetry and short stories. He lives in his own apartment. Wesley Fitzgerald is fifteen and a sophomore. He lives with their single mom Dianne.

 **Aria Montgomery** is sixteen, a junior, and older than her brother. Her best class is art, and she loves writing and photography. She’s an edgy rebel armed with a fake ID and an attitude. Mike is fourteen and a freshman. He’s on the lacrosse and basketball teams, but he only makes average grades in his classes. He sneaks out at night to get high and break into houses. He goes to a gym for bodybuilding in the afternoons that he’s not at practice. They live with their mom Ella and dad Byron.

** WordGirl **

**Tobey McCallister** is fifteen, a sophomore, and an only child. He’s an awkward teen, and he tends to keep to himself. After school, he’s generally in physics club, in the library, or building something in an empty lot. He has a big ego and often overlooks minor details. He lives with his single mom Claire.

 **Becky Botsford** is also fifteen and a sophomore, and she’s a middle child. She excels at all things related to vocabulary… but she’s hopeless at art, poetry, music, singing, and dancing. She loves ponies and unicorns to a fault. Bob is sixteen and a sophomore. He’s in physics club as well. Becky was adopted fifteen years ago, and Bob was adopted eight years ago. Bob prefers to speak Portuguese, but he can understand English. He maintains an A-B average and is a big eater. TJ is twelve and in seventh grade. He’s on a Little League team. They live with their mom Sally and dad Tim.

** Invader ZIM **

**Zim Irkson** is sixteen, a junior, and older than his adopted brother. He’s vegan and carries around disinfectant sprays to help with his severe allergies. He’s on the baseball team, but he’s disliked by his teammates. In retaliation for his bullying, he pulls harmless – some not-so – pranks. Gir is thirteen and in eighth grade. He was adopted twelve years ago. He’s popular among his classmates despite his low intelligence and reliance on junk food. They live with their mom and dad, but they’re rarely home.

 **Dib Membrane** is sixteen, a junior, and older than his sister. He’s a reporter for the school paper and always tries to turn something mundane into something supernatural. He’s mocked and bullied for his theories – though most people ignore him. Gaz is fifteen and a sophomore. She doesn’t care about much aside from pizza and video games. She’s in martial arts and likes to play with her skull lighter – but she doesn’t smoke. They live with their single electrical engineer dad Rodger.

** Phineas and Ferb **

**Perry Flynn-Fletcher** is sixteen, a junior, and is the oldest of the family that adopted him. He’s in ROTC and takes martial arts classes. He drives a moped and is only 4’5”. He’s mute but communicates with American Sign Language, writing notes, and miming. Phineas Flynn and Ferb Fletcher are thirteen-year-old freshmen. Phineas has ADHD, is a bad liar, and can’t detect sarcasm, but he makes A-B grades in all his classes. Stepbrother Ferb has selective mutism because of PTSD. He is superstitious and on the archery team.

The boys are engineers and members of the school’s growing physics club. Candace Flynn is eleven and in sixth grade. She has a crush on two seventh-grader boys: Jeremy Johnson and Peter Parker. She loves shopping at the mall with her friends after school. She’s athletic but not on any sports teams. They live with their antique store co-owners mom Linda and dad Lawrence.

 **Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz** is twenty-seven and is older than his brother. He’s 6’2” and is the new co-president of the physics club, alongside Dr. Harrison Wells. He has ADHD but is a competent teacher. He lives with an android assistant named Norm – who is very human-like and appears to be an athletic teenager. He attends high school as a freshman so his ‘dad’ can keep an eye on him. Norm is on the baseball team and excels in science.

He too is in physics club. Heinz also has joint custody of his daughter Vanessa, who is eleven and in sixth grade. She and her friends are punks. They like to go to the mall after school and jury-rig the arcade machines, spray graffiti on the walls, or play harmless pranks. Roger is nineteen and a freshman in college. He lives with their mom and dad.

** Backstrom **

**Val Valentine** is fifteen, a sophomore, and younger than his half-brother. He’s not in a gang, but several gang members around the school go to him for dubious materials here and there. It’s not just gang members. He’s emo, and he’s secretly been harboring a crush on Peter for the past two years. He works as a dancer at The Woods. Everett Backstrom is eighteen and out of school. His insensitive remarks constantly get him into trouble. He drinks – often sharing with Val – and smokes _a lot_. The brothers – Val has been in the family since he was seven – live with their dad Blue.

 **Peter Niedermeyer** is seventeen, a senior, and an only child. He’s a rich kid on a granola diet. He’s the captain of the debate club, but he has no friends. He lives with his New Age mom.

** Death Note **

**L Lawliet** is seventeen, a senior, and the oldest of his fellow adopted brothers. He rides a motorbike but isn’t popular. He keeps to himself and primarily runs on energy drinks. Mello Keehl and Matt Jeevas are fifteen-year-old sophomores. Mello volunteers as a storyteller at the local library. At school, he has no outlet and is an aggressive bully. Matt has a dry sense of humor and spends most of his time staring at a screen.

He smokes cigarettes when driving or playing videogames. He drives a Chevrolet Chevelle. Near River is fourteen and a freshman. They’re a human calculator, and they like to stack anything they can get their hands on. He likes to copy L and complete jigsaw puzzles. The boys live with their dad Watari – who adopted each of them as neglected infants in the hospital.

 **Light Yagami** is seventeen, a senior, and older than his sister. He’s a genius student – though he doesn’t care enough in school to do anything about it – with one hell of a God complex. He’s always snacking on potato chips and writing or drawing in his notebook. Sayu is fourteen and a freshman. She goes to a lot of concerts and has a math tutor. The siblings live with their mom Sachiko and dad Soichiro.

** Stranger Things **

**Mike Wheeler** is fourteen, a freshman, and the middle child. He’s president of the AV Club. He’s failing anatomy, but his best subject is English. He also does well in science and is an editor for the yearbook. He plans to be a writer. Nancy is eighteen and a college freshman. She’s majoring in English and plans to be a journalist. Her best class is math (with Mr. Mundy). She’s on the swim team and Honors Society. Holly is five and in kindergarten. She’s close to her family and is a quiet child. They live with their mom Karen and dad Ted.

 **Eleven Hopper** is fourteen, a freshman, and an only child. Her best class is music, and she dislikes science. She rarely watched TV and will shoplift for Eggos. She lives with her adoptive Chief of Police dad Jim.

** Shadowhunters **

**Magnus Bane** is nineteen, a sophomore in college, and is the oldest of his fellow adopted siblings. He was adopted nine years ago. He throws a lot of parties, and he’s acing French class. Catarina Loss is seventeen and a senior. She was adopted seven years ago. She cheats at card games, and she aces home economics. Raphael Santiago is fifteen and a sophomore. He was adopted four years ago. He’s intimidating, but he goes to the Trinity cemetery every week to visit his mom. They live with their adoptive dad Ragnor Fell, and cats Great Catsby and Chairman Meow.

 **Alec Lightwood** is eighteen, a senior/freshman in college, and the oldest of his siblings. He’s depressed but he’s careful not to let anyone know. He’s on the archery team and sometimes accompanies Loki Laufeyson in throwing knives. Jace Herondale is sixteen and a junior. He was adopted eleven years ago. He plays piano and has a job at Starbucks. He recognizes Tony Stark, Jade West, and Remy Darkson as his regulars. Izzy Lightwood is also sixteen and a junior. Her best class is history, followed by psychology. They live with their mom Maryse and dad Robert.

** Victorious **

**Jade West** is fifteen, a sophomore, and older than her brother. She’s a sassy goth, and she doesn’t get along well with others. She’s also a vegetarian and usually sticks with salads at school. She likes to sing, but her passion is theatre. She takes Spanish class since she already speaks it fluently. Jasper is eight and in third grade. He’s scared of Jade, but he trusts her more than either of their parents. They live with their divorced mom. Their dad is remarried and barely acknowledges his kids.

 **Tori Vega** is fifteen, a sophomore, and younger than her sister. She’s interested in but failing science. She loves to sing and can pick up things quickly. She’s on the archery team and in the Honor Society. Trina is sixteen and a junior. She’s vastly untalented in theatrical arts and an aggressive bully toward anyone who has the power to promote her name. she excels at martial arts. The sisters live with their mom Holly and cop dad David, but the parents are very hands-off.

** Modern Family **

**Cam Tucker** is seventeen (though he’ll claim to be four since he was born on leap day), a junior, and younger than his sister. He lives on a farm and dislikes Halloween. He sings in the choir, is an offensive lineman for the football team, and his best classes are art, science, and culinary arts. He works as a clown named Fizbo for children’s birthday parties. He’s also on the bowling team and failing Spanish. He lives with their mom Barb and dad Merle. Pam is twenty-one and has a son.

 **Mitchell Pritchett** is fifteen, a sophomore, and is the only boy among his biological siblings. His best class is politics. He’s a figure skater under the name ‘Fire,’ due to his red hair. He’s in the drama club and takes self-defense classes to please his dad. Claire is seventeen and a senior. She’s a figure skater under the name ‘Nice,’ even though she’s anything but. She’s a wild child and tends to sneak out most nights.

Haley is also a fifteen-year-old sophomore. She plans to be a fashion designer. She’s bisexual, has anorexia, and keeps a C average so she’ll stay on the cheer squad. Alex is twelve and in eighth grade. She’s a hardworking student with straight A’s. She’s on the lacrosse team, plays cello, and drinks recreationally as a test to see if her parents notice. She takes AP classes for biology, literature, and history. Manny Delgado is eleven and in seventh grade. He’s afraid of butterflies and has a crush on Haley. He’s in the chess club. The siblings live with their dad Jay and stepmom (biological for Manny) Gloria.

** Hey, Arnold! **

**Arnold Shortman** is sixteen, a junior, and an only child. He loves jazz music, and he’s in the physics club due to his love of the electronics that power his room. He’s on the baseball and football teams. He lives with his grandpa Phil, Grandma Gertie, and some boarders – demolitions worker Ernie Potts, Mr. Hyunh, Lana Vail, unemployed Oskar Kokoshka, Suzie Kokoshka, Mr. Purdy, and Mr. Smith – who are unrelated to the Shortmans.

 **Helga Pataki** is sixteen, a junior, and younger than her sister. She’s a bully but has a secret passion for poetry. She listens to hard rock and loves Roxy clothing. She aces English and home economics. She lives with her alcoholic mom Miriam and abusive CEO dad ‘Big’ Bob. Olga is twenty-seven and a senior in college.

** The Loud House **

**Sam Sharp** is seventeen, a senior, and older than her brother. She volunteers at the Royal Woods animal shelter. She loves to write and compose rock music and play her guitar. Her best classes are P.E. and culinary arts. Simon is thirteen and in eighth grade. He loves to play videogames. They live with their nonbinary parent Max.

 **Luna Loud** is eighteen, a senior, and is the third oldest of her siblings. She occasionally babysits if she needs the money, and she plans to be a famous rock star after graduation. She likes to immerse herself in British culture. She loves to go to wild parties and stage dive. She’s also on a laser tag team. Leni is nineteen and a freshman in college. Her goals are to become a fashion designer and an influencer. She’s addicted to Instagram and shopping at the mall. Luan is seventeen and is also a senior.

She’s always telling jokes and puns, pulling pranks, party clowning, and producing her own videos. She’s in the drama club and plans to become a comedian. She has a growing YouTube channel and likes cooking with her dad. Lynn Jr is sixteen and a junior. She’s on the football, soccer, hockey, basketball, and baseball teams. She’s also taking martial arts, kickboxing, Mexican wrestling, roller derby, and parkour after school. She plans to be an Olympic athlete after graduating. She’s superstitious and goes for a run every morning.

She babysits rowdy kids. Lincoln is fourteen and a freshman. He spends a lot of time at the local comic bookstore. He likes helping Lynn practice her sports and reading poetry with Lucy. He easily babysits Lily and volunteers to help Lisa with her experiments. Lucy is eleven and in sixth grade. She’s a poetic goth, and she plans to be an undertaker. She has a funeral service for animals – called ‘Lucy’s Lament.’ Lana and Lola are nine and in fourth grade. Lana offers her services when anything breaks down at school. Her best class is gym.

Lola is always enrolling in beauty pageants and fashion shows. She loves to throw tea parties and photoshoots and give makeovers. She’s in drama club, and her best classes art and math. Lisa is seven and is also in sixth grade. Her best class is science, and she plans to become a scientist. She tutors in science and math, and she likes starting food fights when she’s stressed. Lily is four and in preschool. She loves her family, but she also likes to embarrass them by walking around naked.

The siblings live with their dental assistant mom Rita, dad Lynn Sr, pitbull terrier Charles, cat Cliff, hamster Geo, canary Walt, frog Hops, lizard Izzy, snake El Diablo, rat Bitey, and bat Fangs. Lori is twenty and is a sophomore in college. She lives on campus.

** Smallville **

**Clark Kent** is sixteen, a junior, and an only child. He works on his parents’ farm and delivers groceries to addresses on the outskirts of town – like the abandoned Luthor Castle and Tucker Farm. He works for the school paper, makes good grades, and he’s rarely missed school. Alcohol doesn’t affect him, but he still doesn’t like to drink it. He lives with his organic farmers mom Martha and dad Jonathan.

 **Lex Luthor** is twenty-two, a senior in college, and older than his half-brother. He’s a billionaire CEO of the family company, though he’s secretly branching out to start a new one and usurp his dad, Lionel. He’s highly trained in many forms of combat. His best class is history and he speaks fluent German and Japanese. He’s an avid _Warrior_ _Angel_ comic fan, and he has an eidetic memory. He lives alone in a Scottish-built mansion. Lucas is eighteen and a freshman in college.

** Disney’s Descendants **

**Gil Gaston** is fifteen, a sophomore, and the youngest of his siblings. His mom’s name is Paulette. He doesn’t do well in classes; his highest grade is a 71 in art. Dijon Jr’s mom’s name is Claudette. He is nineteen and out of school. He has a pet spider named Athens. Dijon III’s mom’s name is Laurette. He is also nineteen – two months younger than Dijon Jr. – and is a freshman in college. He’s on the wrestling team; unlike his brothers, he enjoys science class. Evie’s mom is a baker named Gina. She is sixteen and a junior. She also does well in science. She plans to become a fashion designer, and her second-best class is home economics. The siblings live with their single micromanager dad Dijon Sr.

 **Harry Hook** is sixteen, a sophomore, and a middle child. He’s a punk, and he carries around a pocket watch. He fences out of stress, and he enjoys dancing. Harriet is eighteen and out of school. She’s an on-call gang member for the Serpents. Ally, the half-sister, is fifteen and is also a sophomore. She’s a secret-keeper, and she’s in the choir. She’s a reporter for the school paper. She works after school at the Mad for Tea Café. CJ is thirteen and in eighth grade. She’s a stealthy thief and enjoys sabotaging her classmates on their endeavors. The siblings live together – sometimes with their dad James, sometimes with their mom Alice, and sometimes with no parent.

** LazyTown **

**Sportacus Iþróttason** is sixteen, a junior, and younger than his brother. He’s severely diabetic, and he cannot ingest even artificial sugar. His best class is gym. He’s on the baseball, soccer, and basketball teams. Íþróttaálfurinn is nineteen and out of school. He’s a bodybuilder at the local gym. They live with their uncle Milford, customer service rep aunt Bessie, and fourteen-year-old freshman cousin Stephanie Meanswell. She’s an aspiring dancer and takes many dance and gymnastics classes. She’s on the soccer team, but her best class is English.

 **Robbie Glæpur** is seventeen, a senior, and the second oldest of his siblings. He has severe hypoglycemia, and he must ingest sugary meals every three hours. He loves the theater – makeup, costumes, and acting. He likes to spend his downtime smoking weed with Jives Junkfood, Val Valentine, and other teens who’re ready with the stuff. Glanni is five minutes older than Robbie. He doesn’t care about school, aside from the parking lot. He’s made a game of stealing cars from other students and faculty members.

He likes going for joyrides, occasionally committing crimes, and bringing the car back in pristine condition. Bobby, Toby, and Florien are fifteen-year-old sophomores. Bobby is in debate club, and his best class is speech. He likes to attend weddings he hears about in the paper. He’s also on Student Council and keeps pressing for a homecoming carnival. Toby loves to celebrate anyone’s birthday – even if he doesn’t know the person.

He has ADD and is very affectionate. Florien is mute and plays the drums. He’s the only Glæpur who hasn’t renounced their Jewish heritage – with Robbie and Glanni becoming atheists, Bobby choosing to be Roman Catholic, Toby feeling at peace as a Buddhist, and Felicia deciding to remain agnostic. His best class is finance. Felicia is thirteen and in eighth grade. Her focus is solely on dancing; her best form is in ballet. Like Florien, she’s mute. They live with their dance instructor mom Steinunn.

** Psych **

**Shawn Spencer** is fifteen, a sophomore, and an only child. He has an eidetic memory, an IQ of 187, and takes jobs if he thinks they’re fun – he’s driven a wiener mobile for the hot dogs (quit before they realized he doesn’t have a license); opened an acupuncture clinic (got fired for not being credentialed) – and he currently works in a candy store. He knows basic karate and is failing English. He aces psychology. He’s in the archery team. He lives with his divorced detective dad Henry.

 **Carlton Lassiter** is eighteen, a senior, an older than his sister. He’s trigger-happy and likes to go to the shooting range to vent his frustrations. His favorite subject is history. Lulu is sixteen and a junior. She’s an aspiring videographer or director. Gus has a crush on her, but Shawn dissuades him, and Carlton threatens him. They live with their mom Mona and stepmom Althea.

** Forever **

**Lucas Wahl** is fourteen, a freshman, and younger than his half-brother. He likes to make short films and collect graphic novels. He loves playing video games, and his best class is science. Colin Fisher is sixteen and a junior. He’s pessimistic but successful with girls. He never gets into relationships, and he’s often depressed. He volunteers at a sperm bank, and his best subject is also science. He works as a busboy – and sometimes cook – at a small diner. The boys live with their mortician dad Hoover.

 **Henry Morgan** is eighteen, a senior, and an only child. He enjoys art, especially critiquing and comparing art (to classics like Picasso) at museums. He’s fascinated by science and death, but his best class is history. He sleeps naked and is prone to sleepwalking. He has perfect pitch and fluently speaks all the languages offered at school. He lives with his antiques salesman father figure Abe.

** Danny Phantom **

**Danny Fenton** is fifteen, a sophomore, and younger than his sister. He has trouble connecting to people – aside from his long-term friends, Sam Mason, and Tucker Foley – and is therefore unpopular and bullied. He’s failing history and gym. His best class is English. Jazz is seventeen and a senior. Her best class is English as she lies on the spot. She also does well in science. She plans to become either a lawyer or a NASA scientist. She’s very popular and makes straight A’s. She exercises daily, and she knows how to box. They live with their ghost-obsessed paranormal detective parents Maddy and Jack.

 **Danny Masters** is fifteen but he barely attends school, and he’s older than his sister. He’s a sophomore when he decides to go and is basically a celebrity around the school. He’d rather be alone, so he often hops on his motorbike and goes for a ride after school. He’s a menace with a dry sense of humor and occasionally breaks a few petty laws. Dani {short for Danitza, not Danielle} is thirteen and in eighth grade. She loves reading comic books, and she loves to sneak out and night and pretend to be a street kid under the name Echo. They live with their dad Vlad and dog Cujo.

** The Maze Runner **

**Newt McNamara** is seventeen, a senior, and older than his sister. He’s co-president of the team club alongside Phil Coulson. He’s also on the wrestling team. He takes antidepressants and has a secret garden on the windowsill of his bedroom. Lizzy is fourteen and a freshman. She’s a member of a group of teen vandals that call themselves Wicked Kids. She’s a quiet student making B’s and C’s. The siblings live with their dad and dog.

 **Thomas Stephenson** is seventeen, a senior, and younger than his half-siblings. He’s constantly on his smartphone and skips school regularly. He oftentimes feels unsafe in the house, so he sleeps in the broken-down van. He doesn’t often drink, but he has a stash of wine bottles hidden in his closet. Teresa Agnes is eighteen and a freshman in college. She’s majoring in astronomy, and she works as a maid for Paradise Motel. They live with their adoptive healthcare chancellor mom Paige Agnes. She adopted Thomas nine years ago, and Teresa thirteen years ago. Ricky Agnes is twenty and out of school; he was also adopted thirteen years ago.

** Toy Story **

**Sid Phillips** is seventeen, a senior, and older than his sister. He’s a bully, and he likes to destroy things – with fire, knives, his truck, whatever. When not bullying or destroying, he’s a Wicked Kid, and he likes to head down to the arcade. He listens to heavy metal to relax. He gets a lot of detentions, and he sneaks out with his skateboard to commit vandalism and property damage from time to time. Hannah is thirteen and in eighth grade. She spends most of her time at her friends’ houses – usually Janie or Sally. They live with their single mom and dog Scud.

 **Andy Davis Jr** is fourteen, a freshman, and older than his sister. He’s on the baseball and soccer teams. His best class is history – from dinosaurs to Butch Cassidy to the moon landing – and he spends a lot of time in the library reading up more when he’s not hanging out with his friends. He aspires to be a police officer like his mama, Andrea, was before she died. Molly is eleven and in sixth grade. She listens to pop-rock music over her iPod, but she’s afraid of the dark. She strives to be a famous singer. They live with their widowed mom Emily and dog Buster.


	2. Oct 4: Cream Puffs and Dick Pics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am finally updating!
> 
> I've changed a few things in the introductory chapter, and I've made a plan for my story. Fair warning that this story will be slow-paced since there's a hell of a lot to cover.

Five-forty-five in the morning, a muffled ticking noise rouses Mitchell from his sleep. He clicks his wristwatch to turn off the alarm and quietly slips out of bed. Haley groans in her sleep in the bed across the room, but she doesn’t stir. Since there are no trees outside his window or bushes to break his fall, he needs to sneak through the house undetected. He pulls on his Ralph Lauren jeans and Neiman Marcus top. He slides his laptop and charger into his side satchel and puts his phone and wallet into his pockets.

Mitchell confidently walks down the hallway, past the bathroom and Claire’s room. He’s more careful sneaking past the room Manny and Alex share as he starts down the stairs. He skillfully skips the broken step and crosses the main room to the little table beside the door. He grabs the correct keychain from the bowl and collects his Eleventy trucker jacket from the hook. He scoops up his Sperry boat shoes and times the door opening as alarm clocks set off around the house. He’s out the door with his shoes firmly on his feet, remotely starting his Prius with his key fob.

He backs out of the driveway only to roll his eyes at the sight next door. Their neighbor, and Claire’s long-standing boyfriend, Phil Dunphy is sitting on the front porch in his Scooby-Doo boxers. With another glance, Mitchell notices that he’s loading two BB guns. _What in Britney’s name does she see in him?_

Back in the house, Claire and Haley loudly argue in the bathroom between their bedrooms. Claire is trying to brush her teeth, but Haley needs the sink to wet her hair.

“Just use the shower like normal people.”

“In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a _cheerleader_. Not a cheer loser.”

“That’s _one person’s_ opinion,” Alex pipes up from behind them.

“Use the downstairs bathroom.” Claire scowls.

“Ran out of mouthwash,” She scoffs, grabbing the bottle and retreating.

“Anyway, I already did my makeup last night. If I showered, that would wash off, duh.”

Claire rolls her eyes and grabs the plastic cup she’d already filled. Downstairs, Jay has collected the newspaper and just beat Alex to the bathroom. Groaning, she moves to the sink in the kitchen. She sets down her brush, paste, and wash to move a stack of rinsed but unwashed dishes to the table.

“Watch it!” Manny calls out from the fridge. “Don’t smudge my poem!”

“What’s this poem for?”

“Not a what, a who.” He corrects her, carrying over his lunch box. “And her name is Violet Heaslip.”

“Issit she on onja che’tea?” Alex asks with the toothbrush in her mouth.

Manny nods. “JV. Plus, she plays soccer and does gymnastics at the community center.”

“Sta’king is hrowned uton, ‘ou know.”

“It’s not stalking. It’s taking a vested interest.”

Claire and Gloria walk down the stairs, and Claire beats her to the punch.

“Who’s taking a vested interest in what?”

Not bothering to stop, she grabs a glass from the pile on the table and fills it with some orange juice from the carton on the counter.

“Manny likes a soccer player at the high school.”

Claire nods and drinks from the cup. A second later, Manny’s eyes widen.

“That’s a dirty cup.” She freezes, and he winces. “And that OJ expired.”

She turns and spits it out, dowsing Haley in the backwash. She screeches.

On the other side of town, Arnold has woken and managed to grab the third shower of the morning. By the time he’s wearing his favorite teal sweater, jeans, and lucky blue ballcap, the other boarders – minus Mr. Smith, of course – have gathered in the kitchen. Lana and Suzie exercise in squats while eating individual cups of yogurt. Lana winks at Arnold as he makes his appearance, her tongue running along with the spoon. Arnold swallows uncomfortably and looks away.

Grandpa Phil is at the stove, cooking bacon and eggs. Oskar is seated at the dining table, talking finances with Mr. Purdy – who seems to make his cash using illegal means. Arnold opens his mouth to ask where his grandma is when he notices her sitting _in_ the (thankfully empty) sink. She’s dressed like a unicorn and eating fudge ripple ice cream from the carton. Just a normal Monday quirk. The toast begins to pop up from the four toasters aligned down the countertop, so Gertie pulls them up and calls out to her husband.

“Look alive, Steely!”

Phil smiles and whips around. He grabs a plate from the stack by the stove and catches the first toast on the first plate, handing it off to Arnold. The teenager adds a strip of bacon and hands the plate to Mr. Hyunh in time to grab the second plate. Mr. Hyunh adds a scoop of egg and hands the plate to Ernie, who sets it at a place setting on the table. With eight plates on the table, Ernie winds up with two extras. He gives one to Gertie and hands the other to Arnold, who obediently walks back upstairs and slides it into the vault-like drawer built into Door 16. He knocks to alert the boarder.

“Food’s ready, Mr. Smith.”

He waits no longer than a minute before there’s a knock on the other end. Arnold opens the drawer and collects the dirty dishes from last night’s dinner. Heading back downstairs, Arnold overhears a SportsCenter voice on the radio.

“… feel to be retiring after twenty years of baseball?”

“I gotta tell you, Bob, it’s one of the strangest fee…”

Arnold gasps and then sets the dishes on the nearest table. He stumbles into the kitchen and cranks up the radio. He knows that voice.

“Mickey Kaline is retiring!?”

He forgoes his breakfast, his stomach turning at the mention of his favorite athlete leaving the sport. The other boarders decidedly do not intervene and enjoy their meal in silence.

“What is Mickey Kaline going to miss most about baseball?”

“I’d have to say my teammates. I’ve played the game for so long, but it’s the people around it that makes it such a great sport.”

Oscar scoffs in the passenger seat of his ride’s Pontiac, reaching over to turn the radio down.

“Hey, hey. I’m the driver here. My car, my radio.”

“Since when do you care about baseball?”

He shrugs, drumming his fingers along the steering wheel. “It’s America’s sport, right?”

“You’re _Canadian_ , Elvis.”

Beck sighs and reaches over. He opens the glove box and a can of Coca-Cola rolls into his hand. He shuts the box with the same hand and lightly nudges Oscar with it.

“Go ahead.”

“Why?” Oscar narrows his eyes.

“Because you look like you could use a pick-me-up.”

“I always look like this.”

Beck shrugs again, and Oscar resolutely ignores him. He stares out the window, vaguely registering the teenager walking out of a Prius in the Mad for Tea café parking lot as they drive by. Mitch locks the car and walks to the windows. Rather than go inside, he sets his bedazzled Starbucks cup on the sidewalk to send a text. Two college girls, Hela Odinson and Marie Kanker, walk down the same sidewalk as him.

“Going inside or harassing the public, Sweetheart?”

Mitch slides his phone in his pocket and collects his drink before looking over at the girls. The one who spoke has neon blue hair and he can’t help but stare.

“Want to find out if the curtains match the drapes?” She smirks devilishly.

He nearly chokes on his Frappe. “I have someone and, no offense, you’re not my type.”

“I see a man who dresses to impress, and I like what I see.”

“Well, _I_ see those things on your chest called _boobs_ , and I don’t like what I see.”

Marie gasps in outrage, though her fury is swallowed by Hela laughing at her misfortune. Hela drags her toward the door just as Cam walks out with a Matcha tea and a box of cream puffs. He smiles when he spots his boyfriend waiting for him, and they kiss. Mitch vaguely hears Marie, outraged, and it brings a smile to his lips.

“You’re in a good mood this morning,” Cam comments as they separate.

“Out of the house with no fuss, got my coffee,” He slips his hand in Cam’s. “Got my man. Why shouldn’t I be in a good mood?”

Cam squeezes his hand in response, and they walk to the Prius.

Beck pulls the Pontiac into a space near the auditorium, and Oscar can’t get out quick enough. He maneuvers past a Bugatti and an Escalade, almost backpedaling against a Citroen to move out of Ms. Finster’s way. She’s got a fist around the scruff of TJ’s shirt and the other hand holds a lunch tray. Shawn sees him being carted away, and he scans the crowd of teenagers before his eyes fall on a certain redhead sitting on the bench outside the auditorium. He stops Beck from entering but lets him pass once a Coke is offered.

“Hey, Randall.”

“Spencer,” He greets by surname. “Have you had more visions of troublemakers?”

“No, I think I had a lapse.” He shrugs. “What’d TJ do this time?”

The redhead flips through his clipboard. “Ah, Detweiler was caught using a lunch tray to slide down the back stairwell before school opened this morning. One of the janitors found him.”

Shawn runs a hand through his hair. “ISS?”

Randall smirks. “The Box.”

Shawn scowls. “Since when does riding a lunch tray give someone solitary confinement?”

Randall surveys him. “Let me guess. Science homework?”

“Anatomy.”

He nods. “HK’s in the second stairwell. Rates are cheaper before school.”

Shawn nods and runs off. He nearly barrels into Jughead on the latter’s way to his best friend’s Firebird as it pulls in. Archie grabs his backpack and slings it on in time to catch his beanie-wearing friend.

“Hey, Jug. What’s up?”

“We finally got _Five Feet Apart_ at the Twilight today. Want to see it after school?”

Archie grins. “Yeah, man. Sounds like a plan.”

Jughead smiles more subtly. It’s like a birthday gift to himself. Even though his birthday was two days ago. When he walks around the Firebird, he sidesteps Bert – but Oscar doesn’t, and his neighbor drops his collection of bottle caps. Oscar swears under his breath and walks away. When Archie stops to help, so does Jughead. Minutes later, Archie and Bert jump up to avoid being hit by a shiny green motorbike. Jughead flinches, but the biker avoids them and settles next to Beck’s car.

“Hey, Mama Bear.” The long-haired biker calls out to the girl stepping out of a Sienna. “How’d I beat you here?”

“Luke shot Phil with a BB gun.”

Loki smirks and steps off the bike. “C’mon, girl. Let’s go find Sheila and smoke one out in the back.”

She nods and takes his hand, allowing the tallboy to drag her toward the back of the school. A BMW i3 pulls in beside Claire’s car a couple of minutes later. Everett rolls down the window and lets out a puff of smoke. Val rolls his eyes as steps out of the car. Just outside the parking lot, philosophy teacher and acting administrator Mr. Vance reprimands a skate boy when he notices the cigarette smoke filtering the air. Armed with a leaflet of punishment slips, he marches into the lot.

He nearly slips on a metallic Orange Crush cap but quickly rights himself. Former student Val stalks by, smelling of smoke, but without the indication that it’s wafting from him. Vance arrives at the BMW just as Nicole does.

“For smoking your drug product in a school parking lot, I sentence you with deten…”

He trails off as Everett snatches the paper and crumples it. He drops the slip on the ground and reaches into his wallet. Vance begins to read him a riot act into bribing a teacher only to be completely ignored. Nicole hands Everett an outdated laptop, and Everett hands over $300. Nicole pockets the cash and glances over at Vance.

“Lighten up. School hasn’t started yet.”

Vance frowns and begins to write up another ticket when Frank jogs up.

“Hey, man. Got that software off Angela. She said she threw in a little something since – and I quote – he’s got that blowhard for a dad.”

Everett smirks slightly as he collects the Firebug from his friend. Vance writes up another ticket, but Frank intercepts it.

“Dude, that’s cold. Graduates can’t get detentions anymore.”

Vance scowls, but Everett fights the urge to grin. He lets out another puff.

“Especially seeing as how I’ve yet to exit my property.” He adds. “I have not stepped foot onto school property thus far, and I don’t incline to if I can help it.”

Vance turns around to walk away, and Frank lets out a short laugh as he turns back to chat with his friend. Val heads to the back of the school, bypassing another teacher-student conversation. A lot of the A- and B-students like Dr. D, but he annoys the teachers. He’s always open to expanding his horizons, which is why he can deejay a school dance and he’s been trying to learn sign language for his mute students.

‘I would like to propose,’ He signs, pausing to remember how to say the rest.

‘What?’ Perry stares back flatly. _We’ve only been seeing each other for two months now. Don’t you think a proposal is a little_

‘An idea.’ He finishes with a satisfied smile.

‘Oh.’ Perry motions with his hand to indicate Dr. D to continue.

‘Would you like to be my… Student Assistant in class?’

Perry smiles warmly. ‘Why sign this out?’

‘Intimacy.’

Dr. D quickly smacks the top of his right hand with the palm of his left. He interlocks his left forefinger and thumb with his right middle finger and thumb to indicate the favored word. Perry blushes and nods, using both his head and his hand.

By the back steps, Loki, Sheila, and Claire pass around a joint. No words need to be expressed between the trio. They always have family issues that they’d rather not deal with. Val rounds the corner, ignoring them in favor of slipping a cigarette from the pack in his back pocket. His backpack straps dangle behind him, and Loki leans over to set it on fire with his lighter. Val notices the flame before it hits his pants leg, but he stays calm. The sophomore grabs the strap and uses it to light his cig.

“Thanks for the help, Firestarter.”

Loki shares an impressed look with Sheila as Val walks inside the building. He heads for the art hallway where his locker is, but he and a few other students nearly trip over dueling pro yoyoers Gil and Luan in the band hall.

Outside, Everett’s car is gaining a lot of attention. ROTC cadet Brad and his brother Erwin caught wind that the recent graduate has resurfaced. They grew up in the same neighborhood and have never liked one another.

“Get lost, Neverett. Can’t find anyone your own age?”

“Bet he’s inbreeding with that emo brother of his.” Brad scoffs. “That it, Neverett?”

The oldest of the three grabs an unopened Bud Light from his console. Keeping his eyes on the brothers, he shakes up the can and sprays its contents on the bullies. The boys jump back in alarm, and Erwin kicks the BMW as it fluidly leaves its space.

The warning bell sounds off at seven-forty-five. Chuckie meets up with his best friend at the latter’s locker.

“Hey, Chuck. Four days till Spirit Day.”

“Yeah, I need to talk to you about that.”

Tommy frowns but closes his locker door and gestures for Chuckie to continue as they walk to homeroom.

“Dad took me on some errands on Saturday. We got caught on a bridge in traffic, and everyone started getting out of their cars to walk around. Well, I was watching the cars pass by beneath us, and then there was a pigeon, and someone on a bicycle going too fast, and I stumbled. I felt like I was going to fall off the bridge, Tommy. I can’t go to the roof with you guys.”

Overhearing the confession, Angelica lets out a startled laugh. “Seriously, Finster? You’re wimping out over a bad case of _vertigo_?”

“Don’t tease, Angelica.” Susie sighs and turns to the redhead. “How about we build up an immunity this week?”

“Do you think that’d work?” Chuckie asks cautiously, coming to a stop at the first stairwell.

“Don’t hold your breath.” Angelica rolls her eyes. “Ten bucks says he’ll chicken out.”

“Deal,” Susie responds determinedly. “You’ll see, he’ll be there.”

The four teenagers split up. None of them have the same homeroom teacher. Tommy and Chuckie head upstairs while Angelica and Susie split down different ground floor hallways. With a dark blue Sharpie, Grumpy sneaks into shop class and draws a detailed mushroom in the corner of the whiteboard. He slips the cap on and heads to his homeroom, catching up to Oscar. The boys nearly slip on the juice made by Eugene’s bubble machine as the latter carries it toward the auditorium for Sikowitz’s homeroom.

At eight o’clock, the school bell rings for homeroom to begin. Morning announcements ring out. Some students have their agendas out, but most of the student body is whispering, passing notes, texting, or catching some Zs. Today’s detention will be held by Ms. Darbus in the auditorium. The juniors will be taking a mandatory aptitude exam on Tuesday. Sports tryouts are after school on Wednesday. Administrator Vick will be departing on maternity leave next week. Nothing that wasn’t already known.

Boots is antsy in Ms. Darbus’s room. During the minute of worship – allowed for pledges and prayers – he pulls out his phone and dials a number that he just got at the Café on Friday. Unfortunately, a lot of students failed to turn down their phones. In an instant, Sharpay, Ryan, Troy, Molly, Valkyrie, and transfer student Gabriella have their phones out. Gabriella scans the room after receiving the message and smiles at Boots when she sees him. Ms. Darbus collects a decorative shoebox from her desk.

“Ah, the dreaded cell phone symphony! Sharpay and Ryan Evans, your phones please, and I'll see you in detention.”

The twins frown but relinquish their phones. Ms. Darbus moves the box around, collecting phones and dishing detentions to Molly and Valkyrie, not noticing Boots. She looms over the new student.

“We have a zero-tolerance for cell phones during class once the morning announcements have concluded. Phone, please… and welcome, Miss Montez.”

Chad drums his fingers against the desk. “Ms. Darbus, is it possible for Troy to just do extra credit or something? We’ve got basketball practice, and”

“I will see you for thirty minutes of detention as well, Mr. Danforth. Will there be any more interruptions?”

Homeroom is the shortest class of the day, only fifteen minutes after the announcements. Ms. Darbus spends that time talking about the autumnal musicale and that the auditions are tomorrow afternoon. She remains purposefully vague as she talks about _Twinkle Towne_. Chad doesn’t bother to pay attention, but certain aspects pique Troy’s interest. As homeroom draws to a close, Ms. Darbus returns to her desk and picks up two permission slips.

“Mr. Bolton, you are assigned to show Miss Montez around the school. These slips will give you permission to be late for your first classes. Don’t miss them.”

The teenagers nod, and the bell rings. As Sherlock steps forward, Molly calls him back.

“Wait, I wanted you to meet my new boyfriend!”

Sherlock raises an eyebrow. “What does it matter that I meet who you are dating, Hooper?”

She frowns at the use of her last name but knows she won’t get anywhere with him.

“Could you just wait and meet him?”

“I have forty-two seconds.”

Twenty seconds later, most of the students have moved out of the classroom, and someone new slips in. He’s wearing all designer clothing and greets Molly with arms outstretched, though he keeps his gaze on Sherlock.

“Hello, Sexy.”

_Closeted homosexual_ “Sherlock Holmes. Good day.”

“Jim Moriarty,” He grins slipping a business card into Sherlock’s palm under the guise of a handshake. “And yes, it is.”

* * *

Oscar is growing frustrated. Stuck in third period Latin class with Miss Hill, he feels like no one cares anyway. Latin is a dead language, and they might as well be dead themselves. Everyone sits in groups of five, and Miss Hill has directed everyone to conjugate their verbs. Oscar sighs, glancing around his group. To his left, Janus shamelessly flirts with Loki at his other side. Val is on his phone, and to Oscar’s right, Natasha is filing her nails – making them sharp as claws, no doubt.

Taylor Townsend, from another group, thrusts Homecoming balloons in his face for the thirteenth time in the past half hour. Oscar resists the urge to steal Nat’s file and pop every one of them.

**| To: Val**

**| From: Helga**

**|** $$$ - Title 35?

**To: Ol’ Betsy |**

**From: GV |**

$105 **|**

**| To: Val**

**| From: Helga**

**|** Deal.

 **|** 10m. band steps

Seven minutes later, Val is excused to the bathroom, subtly grabbing his bag as he leaves. He stops by his locker to grab a heavy-duty file and meets up with Helga in a corner unreached by the security cameras. Wordlessly, Helga pays half the requested amount and hands over a hospital pager she stole. He quirks an eyebrow in question, but Helga stares unimpressed back. Val nods and heads to the nearest bathroom.

Less than twenty minutes later, the bell for lunch rings. Val is sitting in a stall, filing the serial number off the pager. Zsasz is in another stall, picking out filters for his dick. He accidentally sends a pic off with a Cascade filter, horror taking over. _Fuckity fuck, he is going to kill me. He’s said he hates dick pics with a passion. We’ve had this conversation…_ Boots heads toward the AV Club trailer, bypassing Oscar – who’s headed into the parking lot. Boots looks through the window first, spying the blonde with the sprayed-on streaks disconnecting some wires and sliding gears into his bag.

“Hello, you sneaky fox.”

Said Foxx scowls at the greeting, a switchblade in hand before relaxing at the familiar figure.

“Sietz. What do you want?”

Boots bites his lip and rocks on his feet as the door closes behind him. “I sort of did something and I need some advice, but I don’t want a lot of judgment and criticism.”

Swiper pauses and stares back incredulously. “And you came to me?”

Boots screws up his face but nods. Swiper sighs, stuffing the last few pieces in his bag. He gestures for Boots to follow him, and the boys head to the pile of untethered bricks and cinderblocks. Swiper overturns one and sits down.

“Alright. What’d you do?”

“So, I met this girl over the weekend, Gabriella. And she was just a girl at a café, but”

Swiper holds up a hand. “You… you came to me for _girl troubles_?”

“No… detention.”

“You got a detention?”

“No…” He groans. “I texted Gabriella, but then her phone went off in class, and a bunch of other phones went off, and… I got seven people in my class detention. She didn’t see me on my phone.”

Swiper lets out a soft bark of laughter. “So, you got your girlfriend and some others in trouble, and you’re feeling bad ‘cause _you’re_ not in trouble? That’s fucked, Kid.”

Boots scuffs his shoes. “Should I tell?”

“Why? You got off, so screw ‘em. Feel bad, then do something that’ll warrant detention and join them.”

“Is that what you would do?”

“If I caused someone detention, I’d laugh it off and probably wind up with one of my own by week’s end.”

“… that doesn’t help.”

Swiper shrugs. “I didn’t tell you to come to me for help. And now I’m going to grab some leftovers off people’s trays.”

After lunch, in the fourth-period botany class, Miss Weemer randomly separates the class into groups of four for a new project.

“Let’s have… Angelica, Steven, James, and Susanne over here.”

Three of the four mentally groan as Miss Weemer seemingly has an inability to call anyone by their chosen names. Still, they move as instructed.

“Ellisif, Martha, Isador, and Bonita over here.”

Sif visibly strains under her given name. Bonnie likewise scowls, but none of the four act against the teacher.

“Mackenzie, Ashley Armbruster, Johnathan Hodgins, and Tomaž over here.”

Mac and Tosh merely suppress giggles as Miss Weemer is the _only person_ in the school to call them by their full given names. Jack rolls his eyes at his name, not appreciating the reminder that he is his father’s son.

“Ashley Boulet, Virgil, Robin, and Anthony over here.”

Robbie dislikes his name being used, and Drax sometimes forgets what his ‘real’ name is.

“Sherlock, Sarah, Johnathan Watson, and Moala over here.”

Tamzin winces at her Christian name that doesn’t follow the Wiccan protocols, whereas Molly tenses at the mention of her long name.

“And that leaves Yuehua, Wendy, Jumba, Bartholomew, and our new student Gabriella Montez. I’m afraid you will be the odd group out, with five instead of four.”

Gabriella smiles shyly around her tablemates after Miss Weemer gives everyone the instructions and allows them to “go at it.”

“Most people actually call me Gabi.”

Bartholomew smiles a little. “I’m Barry, she’s Yue, and xe’s Pleakley.”

“Nice to meet everyone.”

In the group next to them, Sherlock intently works on the assignment. He belligerently ignores Molly’s attempts at flirting, though he deduces Tamzin has her mind on other things. John works in conjunction with Sherlock, and they’ve almost finished when Sherlock snaps his head up while Molly is talking about…

“And Jim was so brave when he”

“Tamzin, could I borrow your cell phone?”

She looks away from her journal and blinks at him. before she opens her mouth, John slides his phone to the other boy. Sherlock nods in appreciation and sends himself a one-word text message. Handing the phone back, Sherlock’s lips quirk upward in a semblance of a smile.

“Thank your sibling for me.”

“My… sibling?”

“This phone is a hand-me-down. How do you care for the violin?”

“… the violin? It’s a nice instrument.”

“Excellent. I play when I’m meditating. Our assignment is finished.” He takes out his phone and sends a quick text. “I sent you my address so we can discuss violin music without the hindrance of the group.”

A few hours later, school is out, and Ms. Darbus’s detention has begun. First and foremost, she calls the roll.

“We have quite a lot of familiar faces in detention, unfortunately. Let’s see… Clinton Barton?”

The archer throws his hand up. “Clint’s fine.”

She nods. “Work on set design for ‘What I’ve Been Looking For’. Kelsi can show you the way. Troy and Chad. You two can go work on costume design for ‘Bop to the Top’. Ryan, go with them. You know where it is.”

Ryan resignedly shows the jocks the way to the back. he pulls out his iPod and starts up a Selina song once they arrive. Ms. Darbus continues to call the roll.

“Robin Dashing?”

“You can just say Fandral. Everyone does.”

She purses her lips. “Sharpay, might you help _Fandral_ and Jimmy Guru – I see you’ve returned to us – find the music composition for ‘Breaking Free’?”

The blonde diva nods with a halting smile.

“Molly Hooper and Patrick Jane, weren’t you just in Mr. Coulson’s detention on Friday?”

“Phil did great, Alyson.”

“Cute.” She narrows her eyes. “You two, plus Luna Loud and Helga Pataki can work on prop design for ‘Bop to the Top’. We need a realistic camel.”

The four students oblige.

“Ah, Miss Montez. Conrad, sorry, _Mundy,_ and oh, Peter O’Quinn, you’re back as well. The three of you can work on the lighting on the catwalk.”

Gabriella nods and follows the boys to the stairs that lead to the catwalk.

“Hello, Remus. Janus, Skeens. If the three of you could work in the green room? No eating the makeup products.”

Remus groans, but Janus pats his back and gestures him toward the back of the stage area.

“Lastly, we have Leonard Snart, Mal Svartalfheim, Brunnhilde Thompson, and Raymond Volstagg, correct?”

Leonard and Mal grin, knowing they made an impression last time they were in Darbus’s detention. Raymond and Brunnhilde frown at their names.

“Actually, people just refer to me with my last name.”

“And could you call me Valkyrie?”

Ms. Darbus is impressed. “Of course. Leonard, Mal, and Volstagg. You will clean the seating area. Valkyrie, come to my office. We have much to discuss.”

Fifteen minutes into the detention block, Troy sits on the faux branch shelf of the tree meant for the ‘Bop to the Top’ segment. Chad is covering the said tree in foliage as the boys chat about their upcoming basketball game. Ryan is nearby, absently listening to Avril Lavigne as he paints the crates.

Ryan is focused on swaying his body and painting, so he doesn’t notice Ms. Darbus walk over. He doesn’t notice her breaking up the athletic duo by sending Troy to help the students on the catwalk. Not until he notices the fairy lights in a mess on the floor. They’ve tangled around Chad’s feet, so Ryan decides to help the jock so they can keep moving. Unfortunately, the sudden close proximity startles Chad. He tries to back away, but when he starts falling, he reaches for Ryan, and they tumble to the ground.

“Guess you fell for me, huh?” Chad asks flippantly, hoping to dilute the unexpected tension.

“Shit,” Ryan swears before jumping to his feet.

He levels his stare on Chad and speed-walks to the nearest exit. Luna hefts a sack of cement off the camel and shoves it against the boy on the floor – making direct contact with an important body part – and follows her friend.

Outside of school, Jumba has discovered his cousin Clip has been adopted. They aren’t actually related, but they were among over three hundred orphans living together in a foster home. As they grew older, they began to know each other as family. Jumba hasn’t seen Clip since the night before Hämsterviel adopted him. Six-year-old Clip armed herself with a pair of scissors and a bowl, shredding most of Jumba’s hair so the potential parent wouldn’t take him in. It didn’t work, of course, but now she’s been adopted as well.

Jumba stands outside Curl Up & Dye, instantly identifying Clip. She’s sixteen now, blonde hair in a straw-like ponytail. Her bright blue eyes light up the room, and they widen when she sees the teen who sent her the short email.

“Jum-Jum!” She laughs, pulling him into a hug as he steps inside. “It’s so good to see you!”

“Is good to see Clip also. Good job?”

“Yeah, it’s great. Aggie’s got me at Kokaua Academy, and I’m all set for college next year.”

“Wow. College already? Seems like just one-year time, Clip was little girl.”

She smiles, and he lets out a soft chuckle.

“What is to be major?”

Her eyes twinkle. “Environmental science. I’m going to make the world a prettier, healthier place.” She pauses, noticing her boss walking out. “Listen, I need to get back to work, but I get off in two hours. We can get coffee at the Java Lava.”

“Sounds like plan.”

Ryan hasn’t said a word since he ran out on detention. He’s sitting on the driver’s side, staring through the windshield. He made it home on autopilot, and Luna hasn’t touched the radio dial. She sits in the other front seat, waiting for Ryan to move, to say something.

In a downtrodden area, Oswald has sent his mother off to a karaoke club. He’s in the midst of pouring two glasses of wine when Zsasz shows up. He’s biting his lip as he slides into his favorite chair, and Oswald speaks in a cool, confident voice.

“Know why I called you over here?”

_Shit, he’s going to poison me_ “Because I accidentally sent you a dick pic.”

Oswald stills, one glass dropping from his grip and shattering on the floor.

“Accidentally?”

Zsasz’s breath hitches. He’s normally so composed, but he’s seen Oswald cut people down with a butter knife, so Zsasz is understandably worried. Oswald whirls around, looking every bit of pissed off. He starts toward his friend.

“I left school early today because of a certain picture that graced my screen before lunch. Many emotions passed through my mind before I settled on, ‘holy shit, someone is actually attracted to me’. So attracted, that they’re willing to show off a piece of anatomy so vulnerable. For most people here, it’d promise some sort of mutilation. But… we’re _friends_ , aren’t we, Victor?”

“Yes, Sir.”

Oswald blinks slowly. “Sir? Why don’t you go home, Vic? I have some things to think about.”

Zsasz winces minutely but nods. He moves with a fluid elegance, trying to maintain eye contact. He breaks away as the door shuts, both boys thinking the same thing. _Fuck. What do I do now?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please comment, but don't leak spoilers. I haven't watched any complete series (save three or four), and there's no telling about my readers


	3. Oct 5: Checkmate, Is This a Date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: semi-detailed bus crash

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have returned with another chapter! Just in time for the holiday season! Hopefully, the length will make up for the wait.

Wake up at five o’clock. Shower. Turn on the radio for weather updates. Make breakfast. This is Tuesday, so chicory beignets and sweet corn pancakes are the menu today. Abe wakes up by the smell of breakfast. Makes an offhand comment on how the roles are reversed here, and the statement is waved off. Set up the chessboard. Back upstairs to change into weather-appropriate clothing. Abe silently appraises the outfit choice, and they sit down for a game of chess.

“Checkmate.”

Abe shakes his head fondly. “You’re getting better. Got your backpack, Henry?”

“Present and accounted for.”

Henry collects his backpack on wheels and wraps a scarf around his neck. He grabs a spare set of keys in case Abe is gone when he gets back. The older man hands him his bus pass, and Henry flicks on the ‘open’ sign for the downstairs antique shop on his way out the door. Every weekday, Henry goes through the same routine. He walks down the sidewalk to the street corner, through the crosswalk, and down to the next corner. He stands at the bus stop and pulls out his heirloom pocket watch to time the bus.

The closest rooming house, Old Senora, is abuzz when the front door opens. Smarty Mart manager Frugal Lucre and psychiatrist Emile Picani are the first two residents to head out, joining Henry at the stop. Uma Tritondottir follows soon after, arguing with her friend over the phone. The call ends with the teen shoving the phone in her pocket and joining the others. Within another twenty minutes, the residents of the nearest apartment complexes – Valhalla and Biscuit Horton – arrive to catch the bus. Bucky Barnes, Lee Thompkins, Deborah Kendall, Nick Paytas, Gabe Sullivan, and Sarah Morgan.

Bus 1775 pulls up as a few other civilians whom Henry doesn’t know as well gather into the crowd. They’re the first stop of the day, and they pile on, eager to find an open seat. Up on Clifford Avenue, Phil backs out of his driveway when he spots a very familiar bicycle leaning against the stop sign.

_I can’t believe it!_ He muses to himself. _Luke took his bike to the bus stop, and he didn’t even **try** to lock it up. If Dad’s not going to try anything, maybe I should teach him a lesson…_

He drives to the stop sign, grabs the bike, and puts it into the trunk of his car. He covers the bike with a blanket and heads to school. Phil has already passed his girlfriend’s house, unaware that it isn’t as empty as it normally is. Manny is upset since he found Violet on the soccer field after school yesterday. He read out his poem, and she gently let him down.

“Did you finish your campaign project, Buck?” Lee asks over the cacophony of riders.

He raises an eyebrow. “Due in a week.”

Sarah attempts to flirt with Nick, and Emile turns his attention to Gabe across from him when they stop to pick up more riders.

“You’re getting a new head runner at the factory this week, aren’t you?”

Gabe snorts. “He’s a kid. All high and mighty. A junior Lionel.”

“You’ve met him, then?”

“Nah, he comes on Wednesday. Those types are all the same though.”

“Aren’t _you_ from Metropolis?” When Gabe shrugs, Emile tentatively places a hand on his knee. “Give the boy a chance, Ga… Gabe, what’s going on!?”

The bus abruptly swerves to the left, and the gas pedal is thrown down with full force. Henry reaches for the horizontal pole above the seats and makes his way to the front. He barely hears Emile shouting for everyone to hit the deck when he notices that the driver is having a heart attack. He reaches the man’s shoulder as he spasms and struggles with his seatbelt. Henry looks out the windshield and sees the bus heading toward a low iron gate. The teenagers and smaller adults are rolling beneath the seats, and Sarah pulls Henry down by his jacket. The bus slams on its left side at a high speed.

Something unseen shoots against the window, shattering it. Deborah flips with the bus, striking a vertical steel pole against her shoulder. Bucky’s left arm is thrown into the air during the tumble, and it’s crushed between a broken pole and a window divider. The bottom collapses atop the passengers, and blood splatters against the interior. Borne of adrenaline, several passengers begin crawling toward the emergency doors once the vehicle comes to a complete stop. Two passengers have sustained virtually zero damage, and they – Emile and Henry – carefully maneuver through the now-destroyed windshield.

On the other side of town, Shawn has just left Maple Drive on his Norton Commando 750. He pulls to the side to let a string of ambulances and a fire truck race by. He notices his dad’s unmarked car squeal past him with lights blazing before he kicks off. Just before he reaches School Street, unfortunately, his motor starts pinging. With his usual Buddy’s Garage too far away, Shawn hops off the bike and walks it to Vic & Morrie’s. With luck, there are three people inside. The kid who’s roughly his age dances slightly in the corner.

“One, two three. One, two, three. One, two, three.” He mumbles under his breath, not noticing Shawn as he walks past.

Shawn pulls up his bike to a leggy blonde girl and the boy she’s talking to. They aren’t much older than Shawn, but they’re out of high school and obviously work here, as noted by their nametags: Willa and Russ.

“What do we got?”

“You can barely hear it… Russ. But I’ve got premature ignition under the hood. Don’t want to destroy my pistons or bearings on the ride to school.”

Russ huffs a laugh. “Sounds like you know your way around an engine.”

Shawn shrugs. “I read the manual.”

“Alright. Me and Willa’ll take a look.”

Before Shawn can thank him, Willa interrupts. “I can’t do that. I need to take Buzz to school.”

“I can walk.” The kid in the corner speaks up, no longer dancing. “The school’s just across from Kelso’s.”

Russ nods and nudges Willa as he grabs the handlebars. “See? Just two blocks away. It’ll do him good, Will.”

She blushes but nods, and Buzz grins. Shawn thanks them for looking over his bike, and he joins Buzz on the sidewalk. Shawn speaks up before the younger boy can.

“So, when’s Russ and your sister getting married?”

Buzz’s eyes widen and turn to the older teen. “May third… how did you know?”

Shawn grins. “I had a vision of a wedding reception when I handed over my keys. And I saw dance lessons,” He pauses to put a finger to his temple. “And you are getting good.”

“Wow,” he breathes. “That’s amazing. Are you a psychic or something?”

_Definitely ‘or something’._ “Yep.”

“Awesome.”

Roughly an hour later, school has begun. Homeroom has come and gone. Miss Grotke has thirty-four students in her class one health class. Once they’ve all gotten settled, she claps her hands to start the day’s lesson.

“Raise your hand if you are sexually active.”

The simple statement results in jaws dropping and heads turning. Alec huffs from the back of the room.

“We don’t need to answer things like that.”

“Quite correct, Mr. Kingston. I decided that statement would be my best tactic to go forward in today’s session. You see, my experience with sexual education growing up was very limited. If anything, my attitude toward sex ed was, _I know what sex is, so what else do I need to know?_ I was clueless about what _defined_ sexual activity…”

While she continues to talk about sex ed, Dr. Doofenshmirtz leads his period one chemistry class in timeline exercises. Table one – Doug, Ashley Q, Evie, and Nazz – has ‘egg in the bottle’ Table two – Lucas, Colin, Ashley T, and Valkyrie – has ‘can crusher’. Table three – Taylor, Wade, Harold, and Jo – has ‘uninflated balloon’. Table four – Sean, Xander, Tico, and Sherlock – has dollar levitation. Finally, table five – Loki, Spike, and Lucinda – has ‘fireproof balloon’. Each table is told to complete the instruction paragraphs, arrange the steps in the correct order, and follow through.

Lucinda immediately grabs the lighter from the middle of the table to dissuade her partners… though, they merely pull out their cigarette lighters with synchronized grins. Sherlock assigns Sean, Xander, and Tico to work on the wording while he completes the experiment. Doug begins to work while the girls gossip – though Ashley Q and Evie begin a tiff over the order of two cards once he fills in the words. While Taylor and Wade get started on the wording, Jo sets down her phone and leans in to gossip.

“Did you hear about that bus crash this morning?”

“A bus crash?” Harold repeats a little loudly.

Taylor shushes him but turns to Jo. “Where at?”

“Over by the iron gates in front of Sugar Glade Park.”

Lucas’s ears perk up at the mention of the trailer park. He leans back and uses the eraser end of his pencil to jab at the main gossiper.

“What bus number was it?”

She glances at Dr. D, who’s flossing his teeth, and then to her phone to check. “1775.”

His eyes widen minutely. “Thanks.”

Lucas turns back around in his seat and pulls out his phone. His brother notices him turning on the messaging app, and he nudges him. Lucas frowns, but Colin just mouths the word ‘volume.’ Lucas nods, turning the phone on silent before he sends out the first text.

**To: Doc**

**From: Lucas**

Dude, you were in a bus crash!? R u ok???

**To: Wahl**

**From: Henry**

3 question marks, Lucas? Was that quite necessary? 

**To: Doc**

**From: Lucas**

I just found out you were in a crash FROM MY CLASSMATE, and ur concerned over my puntation?

**To: Wahl**

**From: Henry**

*Punctuation

I suppose you have a point. 

Yes, I am attempting to prove to the EMTs that I and Dr. Picani are well. 

At the site, Henry’s eyes wander toward Bucky. They’ve finally succeeded in removing the weighted metal from warping around the teenager’s arm. Emile has a neck injury, though he explains to the medical professionals the reasons as to why doesn’t require a whiplash cast. The most Henry has suffered is a gash to his hand. It had caused searing pain once he crawled out of the wreckage, but the most it needs now is a brace.

**To: Doc**

**From: Lucas**

Send a pic of the damage

Henry rolls his eyes but turns off his flash and does as requested. The EMTs continue asking their questions.

**To: Doc**

**From: Lucas**

Looks gnarly. Can they give you a metal brace, so it looks like you lost your hand in the accident?

“Lucas!” Henry scoffs aloud without realizing he’s mistakenly answered one of the doctor’s questions.

**To: Wahl**

**From: Henry**

Hardly, Lucas. 

“Alright, buddy.” The lead EMT walks up to Henry, giving him a signed release. “You can go. Do you have anyone who can pick you up?”

“No thanks, Doctor. I can walk the distance.”

He nods, and Henry texts Lucas back.

**To: Wahl**

**From: Henry**

I’m a free person. I feel terribly free. 

**To: Doc**

**From: Lucas**

Arthur Rubinstein.

I have taught you well, young ivory pounder

**To: Wahl**

**From: Henry**

One, don’t call me that. 

Two, I’m older than you. 

**To: Doc**

**From: Lucas**

How about ivory tickler?

Or keyboard artist?

The two boys keep bantering along Henry’s walk to school. Meanwhile, Shawn slips out of Mrs. Montgomery’s English class. He’s already failing the course, but it’s more out of boredom than studying the material. He walks into the boys’ bathroom at the end of the hall and finds four people inside. Two of them – Oswald and Matt – are smoking cigarettes by the small, opened window. It’s about two and a half feet wide but only big enough to stick your head out. Shawn ignores them and notices velvet pink pumps under stall three. He nearly misses the boy dressed in a custom-made deep purple and black Tim Burton-esque stitched jacket. He’s shaking and muttering under his breath.

‘ _Rem did this and made it look easy. They’re not forcing you to inhale their smoke. You don’t need the nicotine, so why’re you freaking out? Just get back to class. Peabody’s not going to kill you for missing half the class… would she?’_

“Hey, Virge,” Shawn speaks up quietly, silently hoping he correctly guessed which ‘Rem’ graduated recently. “Can you concentrate on your breathing?”

“W-what?” The emo teen blinks at the other in the mirror’s reflection.

“Your breathing. I think you’re having an anxiety attack.”

His fists clench the sides of the porcelain sink. Unable to vocalize, he nods.

“Okay. We’re going to try something called grounding. Have you heard of that? Virgil gives him a sharp nod, and Shawn continues. “Okay, look around the room and tell me five things you can see.”

Virgil nods again. He forces himself to breathe a little slower so he can speak. “I… I see the light f-flicking… our ref, reflections… phone number’s on… the wall… um…”

“You’re doing good. Two more things.”

He looks into the mirror’s reflection of the room. “Umbrella… black nails.”

Shawn nods, for the first time noticing Virgil’s skillfully painted fingernails. “Good, good. Now, tell me four things you can touch.”

“The sink… my, my jacket… uh,” He manages to pry one hand from the sink. It shakes violently as he brings it down to rest. “The mirror…” He jerks slightly as he presses his arm to move. “The, stall.”

“You’re making progress here. Now, three things you can hear. Concentrate.”

Virgil nods shakily. “F-flushing…” His eyes widen. “… d-door opening…”

Glanni steps out of the stall. He spares the other teenagers a short glance but washes his hands without a word.

Virgil’s voice drops low. “… water running.”

Glanni leaves the restroom, and Virgil’s breathing picks up as he exhales sharply. Shawn resists the urge to grab his arm.

“Hey, Virge. Don’t let that upset you. You’re doing so much better. We’ve almost gone through it all. Tell me two things you can smell.”

“Sm-smoke, and… oil?”

Shawn nods. “I stopped by the garage on the way to school. Now, one thing you can taste.”

Virgil’s gaze drops slightly, but his other hand finally wrenches away from the sink with minimal shaking. “Blood.”

“Can you open your mouth?”

He frowns but does as asked. His tongue is slightly bleeding, but he isn’t in any danger from it. Shawn nods, gesturing for him to close his mouth.

_Jitters about being the youngest in school?_ “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

Virgil shrugs. “I should get to class.”

“Peabody won’t kill you.”

He starts. “How did you know which class?”

Shawn shrugs this time. “I’m psychic.”

Virgil huffs a laugh and walks past him to leave. Shawn turns around and comes face-to-face with Matt Jeevas. Smoking the end of the cigarette, he breathes in deeply and blows the smoke in Shawn’s face before dropping it on the ground. Oswald clicks his tongue and leans against the nearby sink, all evidence of having smoked dissipated.

“Ethel’s going to give him detention at least.”

“Ethel?” Shawn asks, choking on the smoke.

“Miss Peabody,” Oswald scoffs. “Thought you were psychic.”

Shawn grimaces at the tone, unprepared for Matt punching his stomach. Oswald’s lips quirk up at the sight, and the next blow sends Shawn roughly impacting the sink. He slumps to the ground, and Matt kicks him once more. Before the teen can ask what the beating was for, Oswald leans over him.

“Payment for silence.”

Back in Miss Grotke’s health class, she caps off the lesson while passing around baskets of different sized condoms and contraceptive rings urging the students to take at least one each for her peace of mind. It doesn’t escape her notice that Gwaine grabs a handful or Toph sneaking in two rings or Tobey handing off his two picks to Gaz.

“We are not always perfect, but today we are emboldened with the knowledge we need to protect our sexual health and honor our sexuality and bodily autonomy. We have the knowledge we need to help our future daughters or sons, and to fight for other women and men to have the same. We. Are. Empowered.”

The bell rings, and period one class is dismissed. She calls Tobey to her desk as he leaves.

“Theodore, if today’s lesson made you uncomfortable,”

He scoffs. “I wasn’t _uncomfortable_ , Miss Grotke.”

She nods patiently. “I saw you pick a condom and a ring and then pass it to Gaz.”

He shrugs. “Because I know I won’t need them.”

“How can you be positive?”

“I’m asexual.”

Outside the classroom, Anderson hears the confession and treats it as a juicy tidbit. He texts the news to his best friend and ex-girlfriend, Sally.

**To: Salsa**

**From: Phillip**

TTM III is asexual!

Told the teacher

**To: Anders**

**From: Sally**

Fuck that’s hot 

**To: Psycho**

**From: Sally**

Congrats, geek. Ur not the only ace in the school

**To: Donovan**

**From: SH**

One: Despite your amateur deductions, I do not identify as asexual. 

Two: Obviously there is more than a single individual in this school who identifies as asexual. 

**To: Psycho**

**From: Sally**

Ofc, totes can’t forget the hots you get for Pavlov

**To: Donovan**

**From: SH**

Philosophy is quite salivating. 

Looking down at her phone as she walks, she nearly tramples John on the way to their psychology class. Mr. Fornell watches her disapprovingly as he can’t do anything about it until the bell rings.

“Hey, you’re friends with Sherlock, right?”

She scoffs. “If that’s how you want to define our relationship. Why?”

“What can you tell me about him? He knows _so much_ about me, and I know _nothing_ about him.”

“Alright. He’s about three steps away from becoming a psychopath, and he gets off on philosophy.”

She leaves John sputtering in the hall as she walks into their psychology class. On the same side of school but downstairs, Lucas catches sight of his best friend.

“Henry! You’ve missed homeroom and first period, and you _still_ chose to go to school!?”

He sighs, accepting the quick hug and light smack on the shoulder. “Yes, well, I certainly couldn’t miss English class.”

Lucas rolls his eyes. “Whatever you say. Go see the pretty boy. We’ll talk in history.”

They separate, as Lucas has class with Mrs. Montgomery, and Henry has Mr. Fitz.

Shortly after the bell rings for second period, an announcement crackles over the PA system. All juniors are required to go to the auditorium for a mandatory aptitude test. Cam slams his hands on his desk in outrage, and his teacher – Miss Peabody – raises an eyebrow.

“Okay. Mr. Tucker, you’re a junior, aren’t you? As are Misters Nygma, Pigg, Go, Jones, and Herondale. Miss Lightman, please accompany the boys. You are all excused from class.”

Cam, Ed, Porky, Mikail, Jughead, Jace, and Emily gather their belongings and head out the door. Cam turns to the others nervously.

“When did they tell us about the test?”

“Morning announcements,” Emily comments like it’s obvious. “Doesn’t anyone pay attention?”

That would be a resounding _no_. She shakes her head out of annoyance and walks faster than them. Upon reaching the auditorium, Ms. Darbus confronts her.

“Find your name on the board and go to the seat number assigned to you. All juniors are listed in alphabetic order.”

Emily blinks a little at the instruction but nods and goes to find her name. She can easily see, as she surveys the setup, that the auditorium is sanctioned off in six clusters of twenty seats each up front, and another six clusters of twenty in the back.

“Lightman, Lightman,” She mumbles under her breath. “C19.”

She turns back around and quickly finds the C section. When she sits down, the girl at her immediate left turns and smiles.

“I’ve never seen you. Are you sure you’re a junior?”

“Yes, I’ve been here for three years.”

“But it’s only October fifth.”

“Okay, I’ve been here two years and I’m on my third.”

“I’m Darcy.”

“Emily.”

“Have you ever taken an aptitude test?”

“No, but it shouldn’t be too difficult.”

“Yeah, but I’m missing physics for this. And I like that class.”

“Fuck Wells,” A new voice interrupts them two seats down from Darcy.

She scowls at him. “No one asked you, Laufeyson.”

“No one needs to ask when you make asinine comments like that.”

“Oh, honey, _my ass_ is a ten. Have you checked a mirror lately? Maybe yours is the nine.”

Emily rolls her eyes, tempted to explain that’s not what he meant, but Loki stands up first. He grinds his ass toward the girl seated behind him, and she blushes but laughs.

“What do you think, Iz? My ass a ten?”

She lightly smacks his butt. “Ten and above. But you oughta sit down before they kick it out of here.”

Mere minutes later, Ms. Darbus and Miss Finster gather everyone’s attention. They tell the students to turn off their phones and explain the importance of taking an aptitude test. There are five sections to the exam, and the students will have forty-five minutes to complete each section – with a thirty-minute lunch break between the third and fourth sections. To answer Harold’s question, the juniors will be missing all but roughly the last half hour of their last class today. The test booklets are passed out, and the clock is started. Seated in A1, Zack Addy flips over to section one, question one.

_The white dot moves two places anti-clockwise at each stage and the black dot moves one place clockwise at each stage. After how many stages will they be together in the same corner?_ The image below is of a polygon with two dots two corners off from one another. _That’s simple._

_Let’s think of the white dot as Mac, and I will be the black dot_ , Tosh thinks to himself as he tries to identify with the first problem. _Mac goes to 4, and I’ll be at 3. Then, Mac’s at 2, and I’m at 2. So, only two stages!_

Barry frowns, whipping out his scrap sheet since they weren’t allowed calculators for the first section. _72496 is to 1315, and 62134 is to 97, and 85316 is to 167, therefore 28439 is to ?_ Division is out… but addition? 7+2+4+9+6 = 13+15 = 28… _I might be onto something here…_

Archie stares blankly at his paper while he hums under his breath, trying to find the perfect tune. _Which is the odd one out? famous, illustrious, acclaimed, fabulous, noteworthy_ Rather than think about his work, he tries adding each word to the unfinished song in his head.

Jay, on the other hand, grins. _Easy. Dad’s famous. The papers say he’s acclaimed, and Oprah called him noteworthy on that news thing. But fabulous is such a goody-good thing. Like people want to be him. No one wants to be Jafar Arison_.

Brainy reaches the synonym portion of the exam, and his mind drifts to last year’s English class. He doesn’t recall which teacher he had, but he remembers who he sat behind. _Your eyes are whirlpools of illuminating knowledge that I would be honored to dive into if only to absorb the information you’ve gathered by your sights all these years lo…_ The rest of the memory is shuttered since the object of his affection caught him staring and promptly shoved his desk backward to throw him off-balance. _Illuminating equals informative_.

Clint groans reading the word _encapsulate_. _‘En’ means ‘inside of’, right? And then ‘cap’ means ‘top’, so ‘inside the top’? What are my options?_ Facilitate, irritate, captivate, epitomize, impede. _Bones facilitated sickbay when he made room for the captives who were beamed aboard. Irritate is what Tony does to everyone he meets. Captivate is what Phil does to me. Epitomize is what Spock does to Kirk and impede is what the Klingons did to the Enterprise. Encapsulate feels like a Star Trek word. Reminder: Star Trek season one rerun comes on tonight at seven._

_Bones encapsulated the sick, no. Tony is encapsulating, eww. Phil is en-yuck. Spock encapsulates his time with Kirk. The Klingons encapsulated th- no, I think I had it with Spock and Kirk. Damn they are life goals. Who would be, well, Phil could be Spock. Makes me the oblivious womanizer. I can live with that._

While Clint strays from the original purpose, Zeke’s mind is in the kitchen. Part B of the synonym section has the students choosing the two words out of six that are synonymous with one another. _Farm, fare, style, food, firm, variety. This one makes no sense. Farming corn would be harvesting it. Or wait… are these all nouns? A farm is a place where food is made. A fare is a price you pay for the food. So many styles of food. Like… pie. Apple pie, blueberry pie, macadamia pie with strawberry frosting and an eclair filling…_

Harold skips through the synonyms and antonyms by picking the coolest-looking words. When he reaches the analogy section, it initially terrifies him before he continues searching for the coolest word among his options.

Cher bites her tongue a few minutes later when she reaches the same part.

_Digital is to numbers as analogue is to ________

_Okay, a digital clock uses numbers to tell time, and an analog clock uses hands. Hands… ha- boom! Who even needs answer choices?_

Cher’s sister sits in front of Brainy and behind Sean. Sunny stares at the back of his head more often than her paper. It’s barely filled in.

Cheryl soon after reaches the classification sector in which students are to choose the odd one out of a selection of words. _Calm, quiet, relaxed, serene, unruffled. Easy one: quiet. I’m usually quiet but never really any of those others. Nana makes sure of that._ She lets a few tears quietly roll down her cheek as the question causes her to think about her family and her recently lost twin, Jason.

Troy notices the tears and awkwardly squirms in his seat. He doesn’t know what to do with emotions. He centers his focus on the classifications in front of him. _abode, dwelling, house, residence, street. What? Abode, I think that’s a computer program. And the rest is places to live. A. abode._

Cheer also notices the discomfort on her row. Sunny’s her friend, and she wants to tell her to focus. Cheryl’s her teammate, and she wants to hug her. She barely knows Troy or Kevin, and she only knows their surnames thanks to her cheering at their basketball and football games. Troy squirms to her left, and Kevin keeps groaning at her right, and she’s still stuck on the synonym section with time running out. Kevin gives up on classifications, deciding to instead dot the paper in the shape of a touchdown tee.

Sean reaches a reconstruction area and his jaw about drops.

_Just as the __________________ (1) __________________ (2) was half-way through __________________ (3) his most __________________ (4) and difficult __________________ (5), the __________________ (6) thing that could have happened did, and all hell was let loose as Ben __________________ (7) a cat through the dining room __________________ (8). Apart from almost barking the house down and __________________ (9) drowning out the second half of the question, Ben __________________ (10) across the dining room in a __________________ (11) blur before throwing __________________ (12) against the __________________ (13) door with a __________________ (14) __________________ (15)._

_Window question himself sickening hapless_

_Involved worst saw shot crash_

_Asking interviewer totally brown kitchen_

Sean decides to play the numbers game – picking the first word and then adding, so it says ‘just as the window himself was half-way through…’ – rather than stop and concentrate. Susie, on the other hand, strives to fill in the blanks correctly.

_One-two and fourteen-fifteen are adjective-noun combos. What are the adjectives here: sickening, hapless, worst, totally, brown. Okay, and what are the solid nouns: window, kitchen… Seven is ‘saw.’ Ben saw a cat. And nine is an adverb, so it’s ‘totally’. And eight is ‘window’. That’s where Ben saw the cat. Why don’t we have a window in our dining ro—not the time to think about that, Carmichael._

Betty arrives at the same problem and tackles it head-on. _Just as the hapless interviewer was half-way through asking his most sickening and difficult question, the worst thing that could have happened did, and all hell was let loose as Ben saw a cat through the dining room window. Apart from almost barking the house down and totally drowning out the second half of the question, Ben shot across the dining room in a… __________________ (11) blur before throwing __________________ (12) against the __________________ (13) door with a __________________ (14) __________________ (15)._

_~~Window~~ ~~question~~ himself ~~sickening~~ ~~hapless~~_

_Involved ~~worst~~ ~~saw~~ ~~shot~~ crash_

_~~Asking~~ ~~interviewer~~ ~~totally~~ brown kitchen_

Martha, rather than march head-on, decides to work it out backward.

_Ben __________________ (10) across the dining room in a __________________ (11) blur before throwing __________________ (12) against the __________________ (13) door with a __________________ (14) __________________ (15)._

_Window question ~~himself~~ sickening hapless_

_Involved worst saw shot crash_

_Asking interviewer totally ~~brown~~ ~~kitchen~~_

_Ben saw… or Ben shot… it’s one of the two. A blur wouldn’t be sickening or hapless… brown, I suppose. What would you throw against a door? Ben throws a window, doesn’t make sense… but he can throw himself. That fits. What kind of door? I already said brown. Was that wron- no, no. kitchen door! How the hell does this end? A sickening crash?_

Jet reaches the numerical subdivision and checks his watch. There are three more pages, and it’s already 9:52. _Fifteen minutes left. I can do this, dammit._

_9, 18, 27, ?, 45, ?, 63_

_It’s just the multiplication table, right? 9, 18, 27, 36, 45, 54, 63! Bam!_

Chad bites the end of his pencil agitatedly. He hates mathematics.

_1, 1, 2, ?, 24, 120, 720_

_How the fuck does it jump like that?_

Beside him, Fandral struggles to remember the basic algebra tutoring he had with Loki.

_2, 5.75, ?, 13.25, 17, 20.75_

_“Alright. Think of decimals as money, are you with me?” Loki asks._

_Fandral makes an affirmative noise, but he’s not paying attention. Instead, he’s staring at his tutor’s hair. Loki’s just gotten out of the shower, so his silky hair flows down rather than being styled. He’s wearing a deep purple plush robe with only black boxers underneath, and when he moves a certain way, Fandral can see his chest. He has abs that are surprising to a lot of people…_

_2, 5.75, ?, 13.25, 17, 20.75_

_Shit, I should have paid more attention to the math part…_

Grumpy glares at the paper in front of him.

_Multiply 7 by 12 and divide by 6._

_7 times 11 is 77 plus 7 is 84 and divide it by 6… 6 goes into 8 once, so there’s a one at the top. Minus 6 is 2 and bring the 4 down. 6 goes into 24, um, 4 times… so… the answer is 14. Let’s roll with it. I don’t have the time to do all that shit again._

10:05 comes too quickly for some. “Pencils down. Pass your exams to the beginnings of each row.” Miss Finster announces. “Darbus will be around to collect them, and I’ll replace them with section two. Logical Reasoning.”

Meanwhile, back at the Pritchett-Delgado house, Manny struggles with repairs. He’d agreed to stay home after his disastrous attempt at reciting poetry, but he’s now been dismantling and attempting to repair a ceiling fan for the past two and a half hours. When a blade falls off, Manny implodes.

“This is so stupid! When am I ever going to need to learn how to repair a ceiling fan!? Have you seen where we live? We’ll hire someone else or just destroy the old one so we can buy another! I should have gone to school today!”

“Well, Manny, we can always ju-”

“I wish Mom never married you!” He cuts Jay off. “I’m grabbing my bike, and I’m going to school!”

Class three begins at 10:10. Between the classes, a paranoid Phil checked his car for the bike… but his car is not only unlocked but the bicycle is also missing. Before heading to his dance class, he grabs Marvin’s arm – shocking the mild-mannered transfer student.

“Marv, I took my brother’s bike, and it was stolen from my car!”

To his credit, Marvin merely blinks and takes a step back. “Would you like to skip class and find it?”

Phil pauses. “Yes! I can skip dance, and you can skip… finance?”

Marvin nods and leads the way toward the student parking lot to search for the bicycle thief. Shawn bumps into Administrator Vick in the hall shortly before his anatomy class with Miss MC. He places two fingers to his temple and makes a small spasm. Taking in her different nail color and swatches barely sticking out of her pocketbook, he gently places a hand in front of her belly like he’s gathering information.

“I sense… your baby will be… a girl!”

She smiles genuinely. “Yes, the doctor just gave me the confirmation last night. Glad to see our resident psychic is not falling behind.”

Shawn grins and slips into his classroom as the bell rings. In the auditorium, Ryan twists the Kangal cap on his head as he stares down the next problem.

_Elk; mink; mouse; gibbon; panther_

_Which creature comes next? Is it:_

_squirrel, tortoise, tigress, wildebeest, platypus, or aardvark?_

_What the ever-loving fuck does this mean? How is this logical?_

Sharpay glares at her paper and taps her eraser against her left-hand armrest.

_senate, banana, mirage, curate, revoke_

_Which one of the words below belongs to the words above?_

_ginger, humane, abacus, yogurt, sector_

After going through the list again, she asks her brother for his manual pencil sharpener. He has to dig in his satchel to find it, and she glances at his paper while he does so. Emily Fields is confused by what logic works in the situation.

_Five suspects, one of whom is the guilty party, are being interrogated by the police. Who is the culprit if just three only of the following statements are correct?_

_Alf: ‘Dave did it.’_

_Ben: ‘It wasn’t me.’_

_Charlie: ‘Ernie is innocent.’_

_Dave: ‘Alf is lying when he accuses me.’_

_Ernie: ‘Ben is telling the truth.’_

After several minutes of working through possible answers in her mind, Emily starts to solve the puzzle. _Okay, say Alf is lying. So, Dave isn’t the culprit, and Dave’s statement is true. And then Charlie lies too. So, Ernie isn’t innocent. But Ernie is also telling the truth, and Ben is innocent. So… Ernie is the culprit!_

Chuckie smiles slightly when he reaches a problem that directly involves life real skills he can use.

  * _Start with a full cup of black coffee (no milk) and drink one-third of it._
  * _Now pour into the cup an amount of milk equal to the coffee you have just drunk and stir well._
  * _Now drink a further half of the resultant mixture._
  * _Now pour into the cup a further amount of milk equal to the mixture you have just drunk and stir well again._
  * _Now drink one-sixth of the resultant mixture._
  * _Now pour into the cup a further amount of milk equal to the mixture you have just drunk, stir well, and finally, drink the whole cup of liquid._



_Have you drunk more milk or more coffee in total?_

_100% coffee minus 1/3 = drank 66% coffee. Add 33% milk. Drink half. That’s drinking 33% coffee and 18.5% milk, but 99% coffee and 18.5% milk I’ve drunk in total so far. And half the cup is gone. And so, you add 50% more milk. So, there’s still 68.5% milk and 31.5% coffee left in the cup. And stir. Drink 1/6 of the 100%... that’s like 16%... so, 11% milk and 5.5% coffee. Okay, that’s drinking 104.5% coffee and 29.5% milk. And then, I’m pouring 16% milk back into the cup. And the cup is now 84.5% milk and 15.5% coffee. Stir and drink. Total coffee drunk is 104.5 + 15.5, which is 120% coffee. And the total milk drunk is 29.5 + 84.5, which is 114% milk! I’ve drunk more coffee in total, and I can’t wait to stop by the Java Lava after school today._

When Colin reaches the same problem, he opts to count the words. _Coffee is stated only twice, and milk is said thrice, but four times if you count the one in parenthesis. It’s probably going to trick you, so we’ll say coffee._

At a minute to ten-thirty, John gets a text message. His pants buzz, and he cautiously slides his phone out of his pocket to check.

**To: J**

**From: SH**

Come watch the crime scene walkthrough

  * SH



**To: SH**

**From: John**

Arent you in class? 

  * John



**To: J**

**From: SH**

Affirmative. Philosophy.

  * SH



John bites his bottom lip. While there’s nothing overly exciting on the message, Sally’s words from early make John want to give it a go.

**To: SH**

**From: John**

God, yes. 

So bored. 

  * John



He sends the bonus text, so he doesn’t sound too eager. Mind quickly filling with borderline sexual tension, he shoots up from his desk.

“May I go to the library, MC?”

The teacher, ever so oblivious, smiles graciously at him. “Of course, you may, Jim. Anatomy may always be researched when you find yourselves confused.”

John winces slightly at (one) the wrong name, and (two) now the class thinks he’s confused about the male puberty cycle. On the other hand, he thinks as he grabs his belongings and leaves the room, Sherlock is waiting. John heads in the general direction of the library while MC arranges the remaining students into small groups of three for a new assignment. TJ is grouped with Vince and Malekith, and TJ takes the leadership role. He assigns Malekith to grab the art supplies from the back table and then turns to Vince so they can gossip while treating it like ‘research’.

Mr. Vance has the door propped open, though only to crisscross police tape along it and the walls. There are faux bloodstains covering the ground. Several students – Hogan, Sally, Monty, Andrew, and Tony S – are lying/sitting still and playing dead. Gamora, Kate, Shane, and Jason play reporters and the press just inside the room but barricaded by tape. Loki, Anna, and Sarah are the suspects; Sherlock and Abby are the detectives. The rest of the class – Ryland, Troy, Ziva, Caitlin, Tim, Tony D, and Nat – are standing in the hallway, playing the role of neighbors and whatnot. John blends in with them and catches Sherlock’s eye before the latter delves into the situation at hand.

John watches excitedly as Sherlock swiftly maneuvers around the crime scene, examining aloud in fine detail.

“See these footprints?” Abby turns expectedly, and Sherlock continues before she can say anything. “These footprints are lightly dipped but not soaked in blood. This tells us that the killer returned to the crime scene. And what does this mean?”

“That the killer was empathetic.” Abby nods.

“Either that or they have below-average intelligence,” Sherlock adds, sparing at a glance at the three suspects. Loki smirks, Anna rolls her eyes, and Sarah blushes. “We’re looking for someone who falls in the category of a night owl and,” He pauses to waft his hand. “Has poor personal hygiene.”

A few camera flashes go off by the tape, and Kate waves a microphone toward the detectives. Abby calls on her.

“Detectives, would you say the suspect is organized?”

Sherlock shakes his head. “Quite the opposite. We are most likely looking for a disorganized asocial offender. There is evidence that the suspect has had a significant change in his or her life, and they either live or work near here.” He glances at his fellow detective. “How close do our suspect live in comparison to the crime scene?”

She opens the small packet of information they have on their suspects. “Miss Rose lives in Vatican Square,” – indicated by a nearby desk with a cross on it – “Mr. Laufeyson lives in Montana Springs,” – indicated by another nearby desk with a slinky on it,” – “And Ms. Stern lives in Panera Place.” – indicated by a farther off desk with a sandwich box on it.

“Did any of our victims live in any of those places?”

Abby frowns, feeling like she’s doing a majority of the work. “Yes! Miss Donovan and Mister Baylor-”

“First names for the victims, Detective Scuito.”

“ _Sally_ and _Monty_ ,” she stresses with a huff, “Lived in Montana Springs. Ton- Anthony and Andrew lived in Panera Place, and Hogan lived within walking distance of Panera Place.”

“Fascinating,” Sherlock notes, catching John’s eye again before sweeping over the suspects.

“Is there any cross-reference between our victims’ workplaces and our suspects?”

“Miss Rose’s neighbors – Ziva David and Nat Romanoff – confirm she is an office secretary at Heartwood High. Sally’s neighbor, Caitlin Snow, says Sally graduated from the school. A look at Anthony’s class ring will tell you the same. Tony DiNozzo and Troy Bolton play soccer with Andrew and Hogan. They confirm they went to the school, and that Mr. Laufeyson used to work as a gym coach there.

“Tim McGee has recently hired Mr. Laufeyson as a mechanic at Ganja Auto Lot. Sally and Hogan have bought used cars there, and Anthony won a lawsuit against Mr. Laufeyson over faulty brakes – as his lawyer, Ryland Adams, wrote in his statement. Ms. Stern is new to the city and got a job six days ago as a sign language specialist for Monty.”

“Monty is deaf?” Sherlock takes in the new information and glazes over the suspects.

Sarah is apprehensive and tired, Loki is amused, and Anna is upset. Sherlock quirks his lips slightly and walks over to the suspects.

“Terribly sorry for the wait,” He drawls in a tone of voice that doesn’t sound apologetic in the least. “Ms. Stern, you are free to go.”

He turns on a dime as Anna ducks under the tape and joins the others in the hallway. Sherlock walks up to Officer Vance.

“Mr. Laufeyson is our alpha murderer. He met Miss Rose at the school, and they learned how close they lived to one another. When Mr. Laufeyson was let go, he found an auto parts store looking for a front man for their side business in marijuana. Ganja is a nickname for the substance. He unintentionally sold two cars that contained smuggled drugs. Needing to keep his job, he searched for the driver’s license copies. He asked for Miss Rose’s help as a distraction without telling her about the drugs.

“One car was parked at Montana Springs, but there were two identical cars. Car One didn’t have the marijuana, but it was leaking oil,” He pauses to point at the oil stain on Andrew’s sleeve and Sally’s pant leg. “Mr. Laufeyson was caught breaking into Car Two. Miss Rose tried to keep Sally and the other driver – Andrew – away from Mr. Laufeyson. Things quickly turned violent. Miss Rose grabbed Sally’s arm and shoved Andrew backward. He slipped in the oil spill and hit his head on the car’s fender.

“Sally started screaming, so Mr. Laufeyson told Miss Rose to keep her quiet. She covered her mouth and nose while Mr. Laufeyson searched Car Two. Inside, he found not only his marijuana in the front bumper, but also evidence of a passenger. As Laufeyson and Rose maneuvered Andrew and an unconscious Sally into the backseat, Monty exited Sally’s house and saw the mess. As he turned to go back inside the house, Laufeyson ran after him. he didn’t know Monty was deaf but didn’t want to take any chances of him calling the police. He bashed in his head using the front bumper.

“Laufeyson carried Monty to the car, and Rose got into the passenger seat. She was likely panicking during the drive at which point Laufeyson threatened her as they are both responsible. The other car was across the street from Panera Place at a park. Hogan and a friend, Anthony, were smoking their found product. Upon recognizing Laufeyson, Hogan thanked him for the ‘treat’ while Anthony smugly recalled the recent lawsuit. Laufeyson picked up the discarded bumper and struck Anthony. Hogan was too far gone for his reflexes, and Laufeyson hit his head upon dragging the boys into the car.

“Laufeyson drove the car to this alley between Vatican Square and Montana Springs so both criminals could watch the scene play out from their residences without appearing too fervent. These are our murderers.”

Mr. Vance nods and ‘arrests’ the two criminals. Abby quickly hugs Sherlock but lets go just as quickly. John feels like he’s about to melt.

**To: SH**

**From: John**

That was hot

Don’t want to go back to class

  * J



**To: J**

**From: SH**

What class? 

  * SH



**To: SH**

**From: John**

Anatomy

  * J



**To: J**

**From: SH**

Would you be surprised if you woke up without your kidney? 

Or would you know where to look? 

  * SH



**To: SH**

**From: John**

My ribcage wouldn’t be mounted anymore, and my abdomen might collapse

  * J



**To: J**

**From: SH**

Do you not own a watch? 

  * SH



**To: SH**

**From: John**

Not on me. Why?

  * J



**To: J**

**From: SH**

Check the time on your phone.

  * SH



At 10:55, pencils are set down. As with the first section, Miss Finster announces that Darbus will collect the exams, and she’ll pass around the third: Creativity. Perry lets out a near inaudible sigh, and Harold glances over.

“Was sthat hard for you, thoo?” He asks quietly with a slight lisp.

Perry nods and signs, ‘The hardest thing is missing out on class.’

“Yeah, I justh mishthed Lathin. And now we’re misthing lutnch.”

Perry looks at his watch and frowns. ‘Geometry.’

“Aww, I had Misth Keane lastht year. Shthe’s nicether than Misth Hill.”

The Creativity section is passed to the students, and all chatter comes to a close. Lucida walks out of her health class and runs into Carlton. He doesn’t hug her but rather leans on her as they walk to her locker. Shawn picks up on this and jogs over. He freely claps him on the back and joins them at the locker.

“Lassie, congrats on the new girlfriend.” He turns to Lucida, completely missing how Carlton’s face turns a raging red. “You two make a g-”

Cut off before he can finish his sentiment, Carlton harshly grabs Shawn’s bicep, tugging him away. Shawn calls out a ‘see you later’ to Lucida as the older teen drags him through the back door used for fire drills. When he finally releases him, Carlton shoves him against a surplus dumpster. If looks could kill, Shawn would have been buried this time last year. As it happens, the only thing that dies is the snarky remark on Shawn’s tongue.

“Really, Spencer? You just _had_ to announce it with all those fucking people around?”

Shawn straightens his shirt sleeves and attempts to look nonplussed as he leans against the dirty dumpster. “Geez, you act like you’re cheat… ing…” He cuts himself off, taking note of Carlton’s hesitancy bubbling below the surface. “Are you still dating Victoria?”

The more aggressive of the duo invades the younger’s personal space, thumping the palms of his hands at either side and growls. “Why don’t _you tell me_ , Psychic?”

Shawn winces and anticipates a blow to come any time. A group of students walk in their direction with lunch trays, and Shawn desperately uses them as a distraction when Carlton cocks his head in their vicinity. Part one of the Creativity test is a personality test. Pinky smiles lightly. Twenty-five questions and no chance to cock it up.

_In each of the following, choose from a scale of 1-5 which of these statements you most agree with or is most applicable to yourself. Choose just one of the numbers 1-5 in each of the 25 statements. Choose 5 for the most applicable option, down to 1 for the least applicable. Sounds easy enough. Number one: I find it very difficult to concentrate on just one subject or project for a long period without breaking off to do other things. Hmm, that’s true. Five._

Evie hums quietly to herself. _I am absolutely down-to-earth. I love painting the walls near home. People listen when I talk. Five, five, five! Oh, this is so fun!_

Mikail looks at the girls on either side of him. _She could stand to wear some plum, and her ensemble is truly devastating. If it wouldn’t see me kicked out and with a blemish on my record, I would voice my opinions. But are they unpopular? Not in the slightest. One. Do I retire into my own thoughts? Of course. I’m the smartest person around. Five._

Elle scrunches up her face, feeling eyes on her. _I don’t retire into my own thoughts. If I did, I might speak out loud, and then people would thi- crap. I’m doing it now. Two. More disordered than methodical? Eh, four. The greatest teacher of all is experience? Yuck. I can’t agree to that. I’d sound like my dad. One._

Jimmy focuses on his paper, the marijuana he smoked during homeroom slowly beginning to fade. _Environmental issues… totes, dude._ _I love my plants. Five. Modern art is wicked, dude. Five. I take things apart all the time. Way harshes my mom’s mellow. Five. Way, dude. It takes me so long to get to sleep at night, brah. Five._

Pinky raises an eyebrow, suddenly feeling attacked by the test. _I enjoy being unconventional? What does this say about me? Let’s keep it safe and go with the middle ground. Three. Am I more intuitive or intellectual?_ A vision from last month comes to mind. He and Isabella got new phones. When he couldn’t work his, Peter laughed and condescendingly showed him… and Pinky threw the phone in his face.

Pinky winces. Not his finest moment. _Yeah, let’s go with intuition. Four._ Evie itches to dig into her bag for some bubble gum or her mirror. _Lectures are so boring. If you willingly sit through them and listen to old windbags spout about nature or pi or whatever without drifting off, you’re a total nerdy loser. I drift off. Five. I never get frustrated with myself if I can’t do anything well. I just blame genetics. One._

Mikail scoffs at the paper. _As though I would ever be frustrated with moi. One. I absolutely prefer solitude. More time with me. Five. Irritated by petty rules and regulations. Like working as a team. Ha. Five. A very lively imagination. Was there ever any doubt? Five._

Elle shrugs. _What even is a lively imagination in this statute of limitations? One. Often impatient? Hit that one on the head. Five. Dreams I can’t explain? Sometimes. We’ll give that one a three. Independent-minded? Well, I’m not following anyone’s shadow. Four. Hmm… this one is interesting. Twenty-two: Anytime I get a flash of inspiration or a new idea, my mind cannot rest until I have tried to put it into practice. I do love to test my ideas. Let’s give this one a four._

Jimmy cracks his knuckles to tackle the last three. _I enjoy spending time on my own. A million times five. I revel in being different to others. Absolutely five. When hanging onto the phone, with a pencil in my hand and a piece of paper in front of me, the probability is that I will start to doodle. Hah… more likely I’d be rolling that paper… ahh, two._

Pinky, Evie, Mikail, Elle, and Jimmy take a moment to go back and tally their scores. It isn’t technically necessary in completing the exam, but some things are difficult to ignore. Evie has 122, Jimmy has 113, and Mikail has 97 – all scores indicating a high degree of creativity. Pinky has a total of 67 – representing an average degree – and Elle winds up with a mere 56, signifying a low degree of creativity.

“Low degree, my ass.” Spencer hisses under her breath. _For each of the following five images, you will describe what you see in one to two sentences. The wilder someone’s suggestion is, the better it is and the more creative they are. Let your imagination run riot and see what you can come up with. How the hell is this graded?_

Inkblot One:

Spencer – Two pigs are scaling a building on opposite sides, unaware of the other.

Lucky – A pair of toucans carry swords as their backs face each other. At the count of ten, they will turn and spar.

Jace – Two girls fight using their spirit animals. Unfortunately, the animals are the same.

Phoebe – Bats fight over a fish.

Eugene – Yoda watches his younger self play with a toy. He hovers in disapproval.

Inkblot Two:

Spencer – Someone was stretching after pulling a forty-eight-hour study session. Inside their body, their spinal column began to bleed.

Lucky – A starving rabbit hunts in a mine for his carrot. Soot covers his normally pristine coat.

Jace – Two escaped convicts work with each other to evade the police. They turn on each other with fire, but the flames are not on anyone’s side.

Phoebe – Someone stepped on a bug.

Eugene – Two people perform a ritual by dancing over hot coals. Their feet are on fire.

Inkblot Three:

Spencer – Monkeys dangle from a tree by their tails. They’re siblings, and this is a contest until suppertime.

Lucky – A pretty butterfly zooms in too close to the camera. Unknown to him, he’s one swipe away from hanging in a museum behind a piece of glass.

Jace – Two women dance with their children at a social gathering. Unfortunately, they are at a church and get kicked out for their twirling and twerking.

Phoebe – Two birds fly too close to each other.

Eugene – A woman and a gay man are washing their clothes and hanging them on a line. For the woman, it’s a race, and the man thinks he’s making a friend.

Inkblot Four:

Spencer – Bigfoot was startled in the woods and ran for cover. Unfortunately, he only covered his top half with the bushes.

Lucky – The pair of boots looked much better in the catalog.

Jace – A giraffe practices yoga and lifts her legs toward her head. The lion and the hippo can only watch in amazement.

Phoebe – The lungs were not looking good for the patient. He may have smoked away his life.

Eugene – An elephant slams on his breaks to avoid hitting a field of zebras. His trunk acts as a fifth foot.

Inkblot Five:

Spencer – The ant was convinced he could fly. He just needed the moth’s wings.

Lucky – The butterfly cursed the schoolchildren. If he were a bit bigger, he’d pull off their upper wings.

Jace – The alligator’s head moved too quickly. The boaters never saw him coming.

Phoebe – The body fell from an altitude no one should have been climbing. The concrete wasn’t made for this.

Eugene – The ominous clouds rolled in. The kids knew there would be no recess today.

At 11:32 – she checks her Hello Kitty watch – Ivy reaches the strangest problem yet. _Write six to ten uses for a bucket? Is this a joke?_ Her brother doesn’t have her trouble. Snake treats it like a normal question and rattles down whatever he can think of.

_One, carrying water. Two, carrying sand. Three, holding pig’s blood like in Carrie. Four, a stool at the card table when yours breaks. Five, breaking a window for looting purposes. Six, carrying what you’re looting. Seven, hiding from your boss’s glare. Eight, making a smack upside the head rattle INSIDE the other person’s head. Nine, propping a door open. Ten, adding an extra foot or two so you can climb a fence easier._

In the cafeteria, Teresa is having lunch with her best friend Cho and a new transfer named Grace. Wayne ran into Grace during her second day last week, and she’s been sitting with them since. Teresa only has a salad, but she ignores it in favor of the textbook and homework she brought along. Cho doesn’t mind, fielding Grace’s questions while he eats the hash browns from the brunch line – the only line he trusts in the school.

Patrick bounds over out of nowhere, despite still being suspended for a stunt he pulled at the beginning of the school year, and jogs over to the table. He props a knee next to Grace, on the stool Wayne usually occupies, smiling innocently at the teens in his vicinity. Teresa notices him but steadfastly ignores him, while Cho smirks slightly under a gaze of nonchalance.

“Hey, Jane.” He nods between him and the newcomer. “Grace, Jane.”

Grace smiles and waves a bit awkwardly. “Nice to meet you… Jane.”

The blonde smiles a little when she hesitantly says his name as though Cho hadn’t just said it twice. “You got it right. Like the girl.”

Oswald joins Jim and Zsasz at their regular lunch table near the vents. Music blares from Oswald’s headphones, and the punk teen doesn’t bother turning down the volume when he hangs them around his neck and sits down.

“It’s official. I am in love with Corpse.”

“Whose?” Zsasz casually asks around a bite of cardboard pizza.

Oz shakes his head minutely and opens his milk carton. “No, the musical group called Corpse.”

He nods understandingly. “Oh.”

Jim looks between the teen pouring vodka from a flask into his milk and the teen coolly eating the disgusting school lunch and smirks. “I love how you didn’t even question it.”

Zsasz shrugs, and Oswald huffs a laugh. “You’ll be the first to know if I lust after a freshly killed body.”

Outside the school, in the parking lot behind the cafeteria, another new transfer named Aang forgoes lunch to play with fire. He overheard some kids his age in the hall, complaining about how they had to build the pretense of a fire using the sun. Taking in the badges on their backpacks, it’s quick to see they’re boy scouts. Aang was only ever a boy scout for half a year when he was eight. Now that he’s fourteen, it seems like a great transition to a fresh start. He rips out a piece of paper from a notebook in his backpack and decides to use his sunglasses to try and catch a glare.

“C’mon… if it worked for Gilligan, it should work for me. I’m much smarter than him.”

Teresa packs up her papers and clears her throat to interrupt what could only be trouble with Jane telling the new girl stories of their past three years. “Grace, let me show you around the library before lunch is over.”

The younger girl picks up on the urgency in her voice and smiles politely to excuse herself from the boys. Jane smiles back, and Cho nods. Once the girls walk away, Jane sits on the table in the space where Grace’s lunch table just occupied.

“Mmm, nice and toasty.”

Cho rolls his eyes, allowing Jane to take a sip of his opened milk. The latter leans down conspiratorially as he sets it back down.

“You have tryouts tomorrow, right?” Cho nods, eyebrow quirked, and Jane continues. “Well, Thursday afternoon, a new golf course is opening. I’ll drive us there.”

Patrick walks away before Cho can comment on what sounds like a date. He takes the back exit and nearly trips into a fire building where the grass and pavement meet. He skirts over to his Citroen while Katara runs by with a water hose connected to an outdoor drinking fountain. She kills the fire but also sprays water on Aang, turning on him.

“What, in God’s name, were you thinking?”

“I wasn’t thinking in God’s name!” He holds up his hands in surrender. “I was thinking in Roland’s!”

She scowls at him and sprays him with the hose again.

Sportacus readies himself for the next set of exercises: problem-solving skills. _How do you accurately weigh a small puppy with just a standard household step-on weigh scale if the puppy is extremely lively and will not keep still?_ The musclebound teen sighs to himself. _I miss my dog. Carrot was an energetic puppy. I can’t remember if anyone got him to sit still to weigh him._ Memories flow through his mind of growing up in Iceland. Sportacus received a five-month-old golden retriever for his sixth birthday. Íþróttaálfurinn was nine and instantly started teaching the puppy tricks.

**_*start flashback*_ **

_“Wait a minute, Íþró,” Their mom, Glæcinda slightly reprimands the overexcited older boy. “Sporty hasn’t named him yet.”_

_Sportacus picks up the wriggling yellow-orange bundle of fluff. He grins toothily and holds him up a la Simba. “His name is Carrot. Carrot Iþróttason.”_

_Glæcinda smiles kindly. “That’s a wonderful name.”_

**_*time skip*_ **

_The minute school lets out, ten-year-old Sportacus runs out to the soccer field. The groundkeeper is talking with the golden retriever tied to the field goal. He had run home at lunch to pick up his dog. Carrot has been trained to act as goalie for practice runs, and he does an excellent job. Most of the faculty loves the dog, and so do the students. Íþró has lately been teaching Carrot to bunk a basketball._

_“Hey, boy!” Sporty’s classmate, Euclid, runs past him and drops to her knees in front of the dog. “Are you ready for practice?”_

_“He’s been training all week!” Sporty beams, untying the leash and unbuckling the collar._

_Carrot runs around the kids as more players join the field. When practice begins, the dog is wearing a bright blue scarf and guarding the netted goal like a trained professional._

**_*time skip*_ **

_Glæcinda is ill, spending a lot of time in the hospital. Sporty is thirteen, and Íþró picks him up after school. Carrot is lounging in the backseat, seven-years-old and not moving as much as he used to. Sporty reaches around in the passenger seat and scratches the dog’s ear while his brother starts the car. The ride to the hospital isn’t too long in the small town. Sporty clips the leash on Carrot’s collar and opens the back door to bring the dog inside._

_The boys visit their mom, and Sporty lifts Carrot into her bed. The dog’s presence lightens the tension in the room. While no one is actively moving, Sporty fills the silence with tales of school: his first kiss with a girl named Alanis, the awkwardness that followed when he discovered Alanis had mistaken him for a boy named Olaf, his gym coach got married, and the lunch lady’s new brownie recipe._

_A little over a month later, Glæcinda died. After the funeral, Milford and his new wife Bessie came up to the village. Papers were passed, and Sporty and Íþró were suddenly under their guardianship. Carrot was much too old for travel, so she was sent to ‘a farm upstate’. The Goodbye was hard to take._

**_*end flashback*_ **

Sportacus blinks at his test, noticing teardrops staining the pages. He shakes his head to recover and writes, _weigh him while he sleeps_.

Zuko notices Ms. Darbus walking close by. He covers up his paper and glares suspiciously at her until she passes. He has no problem with teachers or authority in general, but exams are private work, and he doesn’t want anyone to judge him based on what they read while he’s writing. The question: _Many hundreds of years ago a thief was charged with treason against a Roman emperor and sentenced to death. The emperor, feeling slightly merciful, asked the man how he would like to die. Which way would you choose to die if you found yourself in the same situation?_ His answer: _I would be blindfolded and thrown into a pit of sharpened blades and sticks so my nerves and aortas would be severed instantly._

_Today Amy celebrates her birthday. Two days later her twin brother Matthew celebrates his birthday. How can this be so?_ Gerald shrugs. His aunt Lucy works in a hospital, and he’s heard of things like this happening. _Matt and Amy’s mom was in labor with him longer, so she gave birth to him later._

‘Creativity’ ends at a quarter till noon. Miss Finster claps her hands for everyone’s attention as per usual. Pencils are down, and papers are turned in. however, instead of Ms. Darbus bringing over the next section, the students are free to have lunch with the rest of the school. They are expected back in their seats by 12:30 – unlike the regular hour and forty-five minutes – for the Emotional Quotient exam. Since the auditorium will be locked up until 12:20, the students need to grab phones, wallets, and whatever personal belongings they want to carry with them as they leave.

At 11:50, most of the juniors fall in one of the three lines – pizza, vegetarian, or brunch – in the cafeteria. Skeens and Mundy run over when they see Zuko, dragging him away from the pizza line.

“I’ve been taking exams since second period. What the hell do you want?”

“That new kid tried to burn down the parking lot!” Skeens gushes.

Zuko raises an eyebrow. He looks at the slow-moving line and back to the Ghouls. “Which new kid?”

“The cancer kid,” Mundy comments nonchalantly. “With the tat on his head.”

Zuko nods. “Lead the way.”

**_Attention, students: Henry Morgan and Lucas Wahl to the front office for dismissal. Henry Morgan and Lucas Wahl to the front office for dismissal. That is all._ **

The requested boys are sitting at the ampitheater in the courtyard, listening to boyfriend duo Robbie Shapiro and Rex Powers play their guitars and sing. Most of their songs are perky but the lyrics are about violence and death. Not a lot of people appreciate the medium, but there are a select few who admire it. Henry and Lucas glance at one another as if asking what the other did to get into trouble. Receiving no answer, they hop to their feet and head to their lockers. Henry heads toward the English hall, while Lucas walks into the rotation hall. Zeke runs past him in an attempt to catch up to Sharpay.

He sees her walking into an empty art classroom, and Ryan turns on a dime to stop him from entering. He eyes the Tupperware in the basketball player’s hand.

“Brownies again?”

“Cookies, actually.” He reluctantly hands the tin over.

“Gluten-free?”

“I thought it was sugar-free.” He frowns, watching as Ryan takes out a cookie to inspect it.

“New diet. Sorry.”

Ryan takes a bite of the cookie and shuts the door. Zeke watches through the small window as the blonde boy tosses the tin on a table and grabs his Starbucks cup. He sits on the teacher’s desk, and the twins start in on their gossip.

Jughead, Archie, Betty, Ronnie, and Kevin sit in the student lounge with their Styrofoam coffees and brunch items to talk about the killer exam. Aside from Betty, who has a salad.

“This isn’t even for a grade,” Archie complains. “What good is it?”

“I think it tells you, like, what pathway you’re on in life.” Ronnie shrugs.

Kevin looks over. “I thought it just told you what job you’d be good at.”

Whatever the purpose of the aptitude test, a warning bell rings at 12:20, reminding the juniors to return to the auditorium to finish it. Friends need to disperse, and half-eaten food is either tossed or passed around. Zuko washes fresh blood off his knuckles in the bathroom before heading back.

At 12:35, the auditorium is locked, and the next section of the exam has been passed around. Fridge scowls at the paper in front of him. Tomorrow afternoon, he and a lot of other people are going to try out for the football team. Just because he was a linebacker last year doesn’t mean he’ll automatically make the cut this year. And now, his paper is telling him to choose from a scale of 1-5 like last time, only about anxiety.

_I often have to work to tight deadlines. I need to be on the field at a certain time, and I can’t let my teammates down. Five. Loud noise aggravates me. Nah, I’m deaf in my left ear. Two. When I get little aches and pains, I often worry that it could be something more serious. Nah, aches and pains are necessary in life. One. This isn’t nearly as bad as I thought it’d be._

Kevin purses his lips at the next question. _Sometimes I cannot get to sleep as I have too much on my mind. That should be the poster statement of all kids who have parents in law enforcement or overseas or just not home at night. Damn, literally anything could happen. Five. I find it difficult to switch off completely and totally relax. I wonder if anyone can have an anxiety attack while taking a test on anxiety. Five. I sometimes get angry with myself if I make a mistake or do not do something to the standard I have set myself. Oh, shit. I need to get out of my comfort zone and live a little. Five._

Clark tries to focus, but he just had lunch with Pete, Brick, and Chloe. And they reminded him about the upcoming football tryouts. His dad doesn’t want him to since athletes in town are usually found smoking pot, using steroids, or drunk driving. Jonathan thinks playing sports will change their farm boy son. _I often find myself dashing around at more than my normal speed. Yeah. Doing farm work on top of homework gives you a second wind. Five. I feel ruled all the time. Everyone has authority over me, and I am sick of it. Five._

Midge huffs, learning more about herself as she takes the exam. _I tend to gesticulate a lot. Do I really do that? Three. There has on several different occasions in my life been just one particular thing which has dominated my thoughts for days on end. Yeah… right now, it’s Twinkle Towne. We need to fix that camel. It look like a horse and a dog had an ugly baby. We’re going to give that one a five. We’d give it a ten, if we could. I play to win. Doesn’t everybody? Five._

Isabella sighs quietly as the new set of questions becomes a quiz to test whether she is more of an extrovert or an introvert. Number one: _Do you prefer to work alone, as part of a team, or no strong preference?_ She lets the question linger for a moment. On the one hand, she works at a library. On the other, she’s going to try out for the cheer squad tomorrow. _No strong preference._

Number two: _How much do you enjoy social gatherings – very little, very much, or take them or leave them?_ Social gatherings aren’t her bag, but she’ll need to socialize if she makes it on the team. _Take them or leave them._ Number three: _What is your ideal way of celebrating your birthday – going out for a meal with a few family or friends; a surprise party with lots of friends; treated like any other day?_ There’s usually a lot of people around, but that’s because her twin Kristen is very popular. _Going out for a meal_.

Kristen smiles as she ticks off one question after the other. Number seven: _How often do you like to let your hair down, let yourself go and have a real good time – hardly ever, occasionally, or often as possible?_ She thinks back to last week: Dash’s party on Saturday, using a fake ID for drinks on Friday, sneaking inside her bedroom window Thursday morning after sex with Arnold on Wednesday night… _often as possible_.

Number eight: _If you were asked to give a speech at a function, how would you feel – I’d be very nervous; I wouldn’t let it worry me; I’d relish the prospect_. Her smile widens, recalling her uncle’s wedding last month, and the rousing speech she gave as he married the ‘woman of his dreams’… for the fifth time. _I’d relish the opportunity._ Number nine: _How easily do you make friends? I don’t even need to see the choices on that one. VERY. People love me._

Kirsten huffs at the question. _How easily do I make friends? I’m overweight, my hair is always a mess and usually has dandruff. I wear XXL shirts and no bra. Half of them have stains, and the only people who talk to me are the other losers in detention who ask me what my latest misdemeanor is. Answer: not easily at all._ Number ten: _If you need to approach someone in high authority for a favor, would you prefer to ask them – by telephone, by email, or face to face?_

_Email. But it has nothing to do with anxiety. It has to do with laziness._ Number eleven: _How quickly are you on the dance floor at a social function?_ She scoffs at the vision of attending a social function unless it were forced on her. _I don’t venture on the dance floor if I can avoid it_. Number twelve: _Would you describe yourself as a leader or a follower – follower, leader, or both? Why is neither not an option? I’d rather do my own thing, so I guess I’ll say leader._

Lana contemplates answering question twenty-five: _Do you ever run out of things to say when talking to someone you have just met?_ She met Whitney two years ago when she made it on JV, and he made it to the bench. During their first practices, she took a break for some water, and he poured her a cup. They chatted until their coaches called them back in line. She met Toni in seventh grade when the latter had braces and pigtails, and Lana was in an awkward stage as puberty had left her breasts lopsided. They chatted about the worst parts of growing up until the bell rang.

Lana met Clark when they were six on the playground. He didn’t attend kindergarten and, while they didn’t stand still long, they talked about being adopted while chasing each other during recess. _Not usually._

Reaching the end of the mini-quiz, Lana tallies her score: 43, an extrovert. It doesn’t surprise her much, but it feels nice since the last mini-quiz told her – in great detail – how anxious she is overall. Lulu facepalms herself. She’s taken two quizzes telling her that she’s got the average amount of anxiety and she’s an ambivert. And now comes a quiz that decides if she’s an optimist or a pessimist.

_Back to that faithful ol’ five-point scale._ Number One: I believe that superstitious beliefs, e.g. ‘breaking a mirror brings 7 years’ bad luck’, are bunkum. _If ‘bunkum’ means bullshit, five._ Number Two: I never even notice the fire regulations when staying in a hotel, let alone read them. _That’s a one. I like to record it and try to turn an average stay into a murder mystery without a dead body._ Number Three: I always believe in keeping my aspirations high. _Whatever. If I die, people will get to solve a real murder mystery based off my last taped moments. Three._

Loki barely cares about any of this EQ exam. He’s not too anxious, and he’s an introvert. Duh. Number Eleven: If I lent money to a friend, it would never occur to me that I might not get it back. _Fuck no. if I lend cash to you and you try not to pay back, I’ll beat the shit out of you. One_. Number Twelve: I fully expect that one day I will be a big winner on the lottery or premium bonds. _One. All that good shit happens to Thor, not me._ Number Thirteen: I never worry about my health. _Yeah, okay. Four. I rarely get sick. Strong immune system._ That in mind, he erases the ‘one’ on number twelve and fills in ‘two.’

Lawson raises an eyebrow at number seventeen – I rarely or never worry about my financial situation – before filling five. _Why the hell should I worry? My folk pay for all my shit._ Number eighteen: I am always hopeful that the next stroke of good fortune is just around the corner. _Yeah, baby. I found twenty bucks on my way to Kelso’s last weekend. Five._

Darcy isn’t feeling too positive about this section. Number Twenty-one: I look forward to the post arriving in the morning. _I don’t even think get a newspaper. One._ Number Twenty-two: I very rarely carry an umbrella around with me. _One. The day you don’t carry one is the day it pours on you._ Number Twenty-three: I always look forward to the future with high expectations. _One. What if your future has a skydiver falling on your car while you’re driving your best friend to grab a bite at Taco Bell? Holy shit, I am never taking Loki to Taco Bell ever again._

Emily twirls her hair with her pointer finger. Number twenty-four: Something positive always comes from adversity. _Ha, yeah right. One._ Number twenty-five: I am all in favor of taking calculated risks. _Eh, two._ Loki, Lawson, Darcy, and Emily gauge their scores. Pessimist, optimist, pessimist, realist. The surprise comes to no one.

In period five law, Mr. Gibbs holds up a small wire wall with silver handcuffs dangling. For the students to better understand the consequences of monitoring a suspect, his students will be handcuffed to each other for a week. He walks to his desk and brandishes a top hat with folded pieces of paper.

“Each slip of paper says either ‘detective’ or ‘suspect’. Once you draw, if you are a detective, line up at the whiteboard. If you are a suspect, you will be chained to the next detective in line. Your parents have all been notified. I have the master key, and your parents have the keys that came with each set of cuffs. They have all been informed that you will be uncuffed only to shower and change clothes. Now, then. let’s begin drawing.”

Sherlock steps up first and draws ‘detective’. Tina joins him a moment later. In five minutes’ time, Sherlock is latched to HK; Tina is latched to Bert; L is latched to Light; Justine is latched to Dylan. Lola walks up to the front with a question on her tongue and eyes directed to the names on the board: Josie McCoy, Kristen Kringle; Emily Lightman; Lynn Loud Jr; Cisco Ramon; Susie Carmichael.

“Are those people in detention or something?”

Gibbs shakes his head, knowing who she’s referring to without turning around. “The names on the board are the juniors in this class, and they are currently taking their aptitude test. They’ll be called in here during the next period to draw from the hat. As will the students in my past two classes.”

“But that’s only five names, Sir,” Simon comments from second in line at the board.

“Yes. One or more of you will be paired with one or more of them.”

Lola’s eyes widen and she draws ‘suspect’. She bounces to the white board where she’s connected with Butch. The line moves up, and Teresa picks from the hat. ‘Detective’. She steps behind Peter. Haley also draws ‘detective’ and steps behind Teresa. Marissa draws ‘suspect’ and is paired with Simon. Neal is last in line and picks ‘suspect’.

As Peter chains them together, he leans in and whispers, “You belong to me, now.”

Neal, flustered, smiles hesitantly at him. Teresa sighs, knowing she’ll be staying here instead of sixth class. Haley, on the other hand, is oblivious to this chain of events and believes she lucked out of being handcuffed.

Izzy starts on the self-confidence area after checking the time. 1:12. Eight minutes to go, and one last quiz to take before the final section. One: Do you usually feel good about yourself? _Yes, I suppose I do. I even stay friends with exes._ Two: Would you relish the opportunity to take part in a political debate on television? _Absolutely not. Politics are bad enough at the dinner table between Mama and Daddy._

Rhonda silently scolds herself for biting her bottom lip. Three: How much do you feel in control of your own life? _Well, Mother and Daddy pay for everything, but I don’t get much input. We’ll go middle ground._ Four: Do you enjoy circulating and meeting new people at social gatherings? _No doubt about it. I am in serious need of throwing another party. Perhaps in pre-celebration of Homecoming?_

Ronnie rolls her eyes at number five. How often do you worry about living up to the standards of others? _This is my life. Day in and day out, and I am still trying to live up to Mother’s standards while Daddy is imprisoned and still dealing shady business._ Six: Would you be afraid of standing up and making your point of view known at a public meeting? _Hell no. I would stand on the damn table if it would get my point across._

Lynn taps her pencil on the desk edge. Seven: What is most likely to be your reaction if told there was to be a complete reorganization at your place of work? _Cool! Finding everything again would be like a cross between a maze and a scavenger hunt!_ Eight: Are you able to bounce back quickly after serious adversity? _Oh, yeah. I can bounce back like a basketball._

Reggie glares at the pencil-tapping to his left and the lipstick-rolling to his right. Nine: Do you ever feel self-conscious in public places? _Sometimes. Out on the field? Never. In the halls at school? Yeah, right. Buying more groceries the next day because my dad confused some bottles and went on a rampage…? I feel like everyone knows. I know people gossip in and out of school. Especially the moms._

Hanna finds herself drifting off, but she picks up her lipstick and adds another layer. Ten: Do you believe it is fun sometimes to live dangerously? _Definitely. That’s what high school is all about. Letting us live dangerously before we get dealt with serious consequences for them._ Eleven: When you gamble, what are your expectations of winning? _Straight, a bit nervous, but I’m rarely straight. I’d find a way to cheat, cover my tracks, and boom! Win City!_

Walter reaches number twelve and checks his Apple watch. 1:14. When you are having an argument do you always stick to your guns if you honestly believe that you are correct? _Yeah, if I think I’m right, I want everyone to hear my side._

Moose, Josie, and Paige let out an uncoordinated sigh upon reading number thirteen. How often do you put yourself down?

**_*flashback to homeroom; Moose*_ **

_The loud jock barely registers the morning announcements after hearing the reminder that football tryouts are tomorrow afternoon. Last year, he barely managed to stay on the team since his grades kept slipping. He can’t afford to screw off._

**_*flashback to the ride to school; Josie*_ **

_She sings along with the radio and drums along the dashboard as Kevin drives. When the song ends, she turns to her brother._

_“I’m thinking about signing a recording contract during winter break.”_

_“If you can balance everything, I’m down for it.”_

_Everything comes to a stop for a moment. She has gymnastics, choir, grades, helping her mom at City Hall… there’s no way to fit it in. how stupid was she to try something like this?_

**_*flashback to the kitchen table this morning; Paige*_ **

_She’s just made eggs and bacon and saved the paper from drowning in a mud puddle outside. Her dad comes down the stairs and sits at his regular chair when she turns around to serve him._

_“Oh, no bacon today, Paisley.”_

_She inwardly rolls her eyes at the long-term nickname but externally frowns. “No bacon? Are you sure you’re my dad?”_

_“I have an appointment today. Remember?”_

_She hadn’t remembered. She used to have days marked and circled on the calendar, but somehow she missed her dad’s doctor appointment. She’s supposed to make good grades and stay perky and responsible. But today, she’s failed._

**_*end flashbacks*_ **

Moose: _not too often_

Josie: _rarely_

Paige: _never_

Sarah shrugs at fourteen. Would you feel nervous about meeting someone very influential or famous? _I mean, if it were someone like Adele, I’d be chill, but if it were someone like Wil Wheaton, I’d probably spaz. Or Toby Gard… I’d piss my pants._

Taylor sighs at 1:17. There are only four left in the section, and she needs to read the results before turning in the paper. Fifteen: How often do you feel sad or depressed about your personal circumstances? _Hell, that’s a deep question, but we’ll need to keep it brief. Quite often. I scare the boys, and the ones I don’t are either taken, gay, or dumb._

Dib and HK frown at number sixteen: What is your reaction if someone is being particularly unhelpful and negative?

Dib likes to think of himself as a paranormal scientist first and a relatable human being second. It causes people to be wary of him which, in turn, often causes others to react negatively toward him. _I accept and ignore it._

HK, on the other hand, is very active in the school system and relies heavily on people gossiping. He needs to make sure people are talking about the right products and services to the right people – namely students and crooked teachers. And no honor society straight arrows or snitches. If people have a low view on him and his situation, he’d need to make it clear how wrong they are. _I’d express my annoyance and correct them using charm_.

Gabi thinks about how to answer seventeen: Are you backward at coming forward? At her old school, she was already dubbed the freaky genius girl among her classmates. It was easy to come forward with anything troubling here. This school is bigger, and she hasn’t built much of a reputation yet. _Sometimes_.

Aria stares between the last question on the second-to-last portion of the aptitude exam and the charm bracelet watch she’s wearing showing that she has ninety-three seconds remaining and counting down. No time to calculate her score, and only time to write an answer. Eighteen: Do you believe that in life it is necessary to conform in order to be accepted? _No._

Pencils down.

Freshmen, sophomores, and seniors are in their fifth period classes after a long lunch. Instead of joining them, the juniors talk amongst themselves as one portion is turned in, and their last pieces of their daylong exam is being handed out.

“If it wouldn’t reflect badly on me, I would use this time to ditch the test…” Audrey grumbles aloud to herself. “But if I left now, the exam would be incomplete, and my whole day would be wasted.”

Mundy quirks an eyebrow at her. “They won’t grade it if you don’t finish?”

“They’ll start to,” Peter turns in his seat to face the redhead behind him. “But once they find something you didn’t complete, then they’ll hold the scores, and you’d be the laughingstock of the school.”

Audrey blinks. “You speak English? I thought you were like, Asian, or deaf, or something.”

“I _am_ Asian. And my dad’s deaf, so I know sign language.”

1:25. Pencils up for the last section: Memory and Judgement. The first test is Word Association. The students are instructed to study each pair of words and write four or five ways to link each pair. Kelsi blinks.

_Sausage and Tractor? Alright. One, they’re both found on a farm. Two, there’s a song about ‘Eggs, Bacon, Grits, Sausage.’ Stands to reason that there’s a song about a tractor. Three, there’s seven letters in both words._ She blushes as she comes up with a fourth link, and her ears burn as she writes it down. _Four, you can ride them. Umm… Five, same amount of syllables_.

Vincent digs into his trove of random facts to pair together bagpipes and arrow. _One, Bagpipes are a wind instrument, and an arrow is a projectile best used when flying through the wind. Two, both words can be used as a noun or a verb. Three, bagpipes whistle when played, and an arrow whistles through the air. Four, Clint Barton’s alter ego Hawkeye is a skilled archer, and The Avengers theme song has a badass bagpipe cover. Five, Scottish clans tuned bagpipes for recreation and battled with barbed arrows._

Uriel shakes his head. _Slipper and Parrot. One, it’s better to have a pair of them. Two, double letters in the middle. Three, both can float. Four, neither word has a ‘U’ in it. What in God’s name is a fifth connection?_

Craig feels like the teachers are laughing at them. _Blackboard and Parasol. Blackboard and Parasol. Blackboard and Parasol._ Helga takes in a deep breath to tackle the word association on _potato_ and _computer_. _One, a computer can be referred to as a potato if it runs poorly. Two, there are potato chips and computer chips. Three, both are regularly used in science. Four, computers gather information on networks, and potatoes grow underground in networks of roots. Five, both are polar-opposite nicknames for people – potatoes laze around, and computers run around making calculations._

Edd chews on his eraser though it’s more out of habit that actual stress. _Television and candle_. _Hmm… one, they provide light – though my family does not possess the former. Two, they provide warmth. Three, both have a way to deliver the time. Four, they can be props for suspense – especially a flickering candle or static television. Five, they can be forms of entertainment – as television shows your programs, and a candle can be used for shadow puppetry. I remember playing like that before my parents started working every day._

It’s twenty till two, and the juniors have just reached the anagrams. Stinky coughs into his elbow, vaguely aware of Edd shifting away. _From each set of letters, a seven-letter word can be produced. The test is designed to test and develop both your powers of memory and your verbal dexterity. To solve each anagram, you must first memorize each set of seven letters and then use these seven letters to produce a seven-letter English word._

One: IANBATS. _Gee, Wilikers… S-T-A-I-N… an’ that leaves behind a B and a A. I know! ‘A B STAIN’ like a stain you make ya smack the bee at the family barbecue._

Two: PHILDON. Angelica feels lost. She grabs the extra pencil hidden behind her ear and starts messing with her right pigtail, twirling her hair one way, and letting go. She does this a few times, letting her hair get tighter at each twist. Before Porky, seated next to her, flips over his paper, Angelica twists her hair _very_ tight and lets go. When her hair twists out, she lets go of the pencil and it sails across Porky’s lap.

When Porky helpfully leans over to collect the dropped item, Angelica sneaks a peek at his paper under the guise of whispering to him where she ‘thinks’ it rolled – under Spencer’s satchel. Angelica uses this time to blindly write down Porky’s answers: DOLPHIN, UTOPIAN, MERMAID, LEAFLET, POSTURE, BROADEN, CONCEPT, EPISODE, VETERAN, PARA. Porky readjusts himself and hands Angelica her pencil. Miss Finster walks over and crouches beside the blonde.

“Is there a problem here?” She whispers.

“No, Miss Finster. I just dropped my pencil, and Porky helped me find it.”

The teacher raises an eyebrow, and Porky nods. “It r-r-rolled under a b-backpack over th-there, Ma’am.”

She nods and stands up to continue her rounds. Angelica thanks Porky and turns to her paper to correctly fill in the blanks. Pleakley has skipped around, filling in anything remotely related to animals. Xe’s back on eight now. CENTCOP.

Meanwhile, Phil and Marvin have been driving around in nearby neighborhoods for the bicycle thief. They’ve just left Flush ‘n Park with a few Playboys – KS and Jon-Jon – shouting at them and throwing beer cans at the car.

“We have checked so many neighborhoods and streets. Should we return to school now?” Marvin asks from the passenger seat.

“No!” Phil stresses. “I was teaching Luke a lesson. I can’t do that if the thief is thieved! Let’s try Franklin Avenue.”

“Were we not already there? An hour ago?”

Phil shakes his head. “That was Rethink Avenue. Franklin Avenue has that house with the ghost radio dish.”

Marvin nods, noting it as the best house to visit on Halloween. The boys head elsewhere in search of Luke’s bicycle. At school, the bell rings for fifth period to end. Elizabeth walks across the hall from her history class to her boyfriend’s law class. She’s slightly alarmed to see the students walking out handcuffed to each other. When the doorway is clear, she finds Peter packing up. A younger boy is attached to his left hand, so she walks to his right.

“Hey, Babe. What’s this?”

“Got a new keychain,” He smiles and kisses her. “Class assignment.”

Teresa lags behind to talk with Gibbs. “Should I just stay in here, are you going to call us?”

“You can go to class, Detective. The juniors won’t be finished until around 2:30.”

“… great.”

With only twenty-five minutes left on the aptitude test, Ben, Oliver, Cisco, and Eddy stare down the final section: Situational Judgement. Technically, there’s no right or wrong answer. Everything depends on how you answer.

_You are working as a graduate trainee in a large bank. Whilst undertaking your placement with the customer service team, you take a call from an upset client. He is claiming that he was expecting a refund on some banking fees he was wrongly charged for, but he has not received them. He explains that a colleague of yours promised the refund would be in his account today, but the money has not arrived yet. He is getting more upset and is raising his voice to you. What would you say to him?_

Ben: “Let me talk to this client. Hold on a few minutes, and I’ll get back to you.”

Oliver: “I’m sure there’s a logical situation.”

Cisco: “Sir, I hear you’re upset, but you need to calm down.”

Eddy: “Give me all the details, and I’ll see what I can do.”

Spencer, Butch, Wayne, and Caleb look at Question Two and need to stop and think.

_You are working as a graduate trainee in an electronics company and are currently part of an international project team looking at new routes to market. During a conference call you are finding it difficult to understand what one of your colleagues is saying. She is a graduate trainee like you and you have met her a few times during a couple of conferences you both attended and you got on well. Her accent is very strong, and she tends to speak very quickly when she is nervous. She is one of several people dialing in from outside of the US. You are in a meeting room with the project lead and a couple of other colleagues. You can see that your colleagues are also finding it difficult to understand her. What would you do?_

Spencer: After the call, talk to the person in charge, in case they also didn’t understand.

Butch: Call her afterward and mention it was difficult to follow her.

Wayne: After the call, talk to the other people so we can all make sure we understand what she was saying.

Caleb: When she stops talking, IM her, saying she should slow down since not everyone can keep up.

Mac, Justin, Wingnut, and Pete blink at Question Three.

_You recently submitted a paper to an upcoming professional conference that will be attended by many people from your industry and from universities globally. You have attended the conference in the past, and it is very well attended and highly regarded in the industry. The paper is a summary of some very complex research you have been undertaking with some key findings that you believe people will find very interesting and useful. Upon learning that it has been accepted, your manager asks you to think about how you will present your findings in order to make the biggest impact. You only have a short time slot for your presentation. How would you respond?_

Mac: “I’ll mirror the paper I wrote with similar section headers.”

Justin: “I’ll introduce my approach, but it’ll mostly focus on key findings and conclusions.”

Wingnut: “I’m going to use a lot of graphics to draw out the main key messages.”

Pete: Ask my manager what they think would be the best approach.

Sid, Samantha, Savannah, and Arnold sigh at Question Four.

_As part of your graduate training scheme with a large energy company, you have been undertaking a variety of placements with different departments in the business. You are close to finishing a really successful placement in the Procurement team and will be moving onto the Finance team in a week's time. At lunchtime, a colleague from Procurement, who you have become quite close to, takes you aside and warns you that there are a number of people in the Finance team who she has had problems with in the past. She says that there are people in Finance who are not to be trusted in her view and that you would be better off avoiding them if you can. What would you say?_

Sid: “You shouldn’t talk about people like that, man.”

Samantha: “Thanks for telling me, but I’m still going to check her out.”

Savannah: “What? Then how can I work with them? What do I do?”

Arnold: “Where is your opinion coming from? Is it possible you misinterpreted something they said or did?”

Skeens, Felicity, Caitlin, and Sokka blink after reading Question Five.

_You are working as a trainee manager within a leisure company. Your current placement is at a busy city center leisure club. You receive a call from head office explaining that a smaller, nearby leisure club has had a large number of staff call in sick today due to illness. The contact from head office asks if you would be able to spend at least half a day at the other leisure club today as the manager is off sick and the deputy manager is on holiday. You have a large pile of paperwork to complete today along with a number of internal meetings with your own team at your club. What is your course of action?_

Skeens: Call my boss and ask them how they’d want me to organize my day.

Felicity: Offer to call other clubs to find another manager since I’m so understaffed.

Caitlin: Spend half a day at the club and take my work with me.

Sokka: Ask my boss to give me half an hour to re-plan my day.

Maya, Valkyrie, Chloe, and Mal slowly exhale at the second to last question, Number Six.

_You have been on the graduate training scheme with a government department for almost six months. You joined with three other trainees and have been working closely with them on a number of initiatives and projects. You notice a change in one of your colleagues. He has not been his usual self for a few days now. Earlier today you think you overhead your manager talking about him too, saying that he had not been impressed with his contribution during a recent customer meeting. You and this colleague are due to jointly submit a piece of work for a customer in the next week and you are worried that he might not be able to deliver on it successfully._

Maya: Invite him to coffee and talk with him.

Valkyrie: Tell him he isn’t working at 100% and take over.

Chloe: Keep an eye on him and start working closer with him.

Mal: Approach my boss and tell him something might be wrong.

Cam, Nazz, Mona, Trina, and Iris arrive at the final question, Number Seven.

_Your position as a graduate trainee with a global bank means that you are currently working in a high street branch. Your manager has asked you to consider what options you would recommend that will increase business development opportunities within the branch. There are a number of initiatives that have been put in place recently that offer solutions tailored for small/medium businesses (SMEs) but the team of branch assistants have had little success when discussing the packages with customers who use the bank.The team have undergone training on these solutions and other branches seem to be successfully marketing them to SMEs in their area. The team in your branch have direct responsibility for sales of this nature and their individual targets reflect this. What would you do?_

Trina: Suggest a free networking event for local businesses.

Iris: Talk to more successful coworkers and ask what they’ve done to get there.

Mona: Offer to run another briefing for the branch members.

Nazz: Propose to call local businesses and talk about the offer with them personally.

Cam realizes he’s at the end of his rope, and he decides to cheat. He carefully slips out his cell phone, grateful that he turned it back on during lunch. After assuring himself that the flash is off, he fake-yawns and takes a snapshot of Nazz’s paper. Mal notices the cheat at his left, but she merely smirks in approval. He tries to shake it off and copy Nazz’s answer without using her words.

2:16. There are four minutes left of the test, and school ends soon. Wade and Dean have completed the test. The exam’s back is facing the ceiling, and a pencil sits on top. Back at the Pritchett-Delgado house, Jay has fixed the fan. He’s also worked on the fridge, coffeemaker, toaster, blender, and dishwasher. He’s relaxing on the couch when the phone rings, and he scowls – Manny’s dad.

“What’s your excuse this time?” He asks in lieu of a greeting.

“Is there no love for”

“No.” He interrupts the Hispanic man. “I am the only one here, and there is no love for you.”

There’s a pause on the other end before dissolving it with an awkward laugh. “Alright, you got me. I’m winning at craps, so I’m going to the tournament.”

“What are you going to miss?”

“Thanksgiving.”

“And Disney World?”

“… you’ve got to understand, this”

“Is a gambling problem.” Jay finishes. “I’ll cover for Manny. But you’re on your own with Gloria.”

Jay hangs up without hearing another word. He shuts off the television too, no longer in the mood. Down a few streets, heading into town, Patrick is visiting with his therapist. As usual, he offers up some cockamamie story that has a little truth buried inside. His psychiatrist, Dr. Wagner, can provide him with sleeping pills, and that’s the only true reason he still attends his sessions. They both know it. His time is coming to a close, and Patrick is explaining how he stole a Cadillac Eldorado from the school parking lot to take it on a joyride through a forest.

“… but the engine stopped working, and I couldn’t fix it. So, I found a rural home out there and started banging on the door. No one answered, and I found out later, it was because they called the police on me. Since I’m a minor, I just netted one night in jail. But I also got suspended from school.”

Wagner groans. “That’s not the truth, Patrick. That happened to Johnny Cash. It’s in his memoir.”

The blonde teenager shrugs. “It’s _someone’s_ truth.”

“As you like to say. Every time. One of these days, we’ll get an actual truth from you.”

Patrick hums in response, and Dr. Wagner fills out a prescription for another three weeks’ worth of Relistor.

The aptitude tests are being turned in. As each exam is handed in, the junior may leave the auditorium and head to period six. Gabriella and Taylor walk out together, and the latter catches the former with her eyes on Troy.

“You are wasting your time.”

“What do you mean?” She jumps slightly.

“McHottie?” She gestures to the boy in question. “All he cares about is sports. You are wasting your time.”

At 2:30, the PA system crackles to life. Most of the juniors have yet to reach their period six classes, which works well in the announcer’s favor.

**_Attention, students: Lucky Hennessey, Darcy Lewis, Angelica Pickles, Chuckie Finster, Barry Allen, Taylor McKessie, Chloe Sullivan, Spencer Hastings, Mona Vanderwaal, Pietro Maximoff, Pepper Potts, Jane Foster, Josie McCoy, Kristen Kringle, Emily Lightman, Lynn Loud Jr, Cisco Ramon, Susie Carmichael, Teresa Lisbon, and Haley Pritchett to Mr. Gibbs’ classroom. Please bring your belongings._ **

As the message is repeated, the mentioned juniors drop by their lockers and change course. Pietro tosses a basketball at Drax and jogs to the locker room. The ball hits the tall teen’s shoulder, but he brushes it off, barely feeling it. Pepper quickly packs her psychology book and schoolwork, leaving Fornell’s class with nothing more than a wave. Jane easily slips away from her art table.

Art isn’t her first choice of classes. Gil, Violet, and Roman look over but don’t bother questioning. Teresa hasn’t taken anything out but a notebook, much to the chagrin of her politics teacher. Ms. Carter ignores her as she slides on her side pack, but Steve waves at her with the hand chained to Alexis. Phil purses his lips and smirks as she walks out the door. Mr. Simmons pauses his lesson so Haley can messily shove everything into her backpack and leave the classroom.

Gibbs has an honors class for period six, and they’re having a free period while the juniors and unmatched students from classes three and five walk in. The teacher has a small tub of fifteen paper slips: seven suspects and eight detectives.

“Alright, Maximoff, Potts, and Foster, you’re the suspects, right?” The students nod, and he waves. “Move over to the whiteboard. Lisbon and Pritchett, detectives?”

Haley nods, twisting her hair nervously.

Teresa nods more confidently. “Yes, Sir.”

“Lisbon, meet your other half. Foster.”

Teresa latches her right hand to Jane’s left. Gibbs clears his throat and calls Barry over to draw a card. ‘Detective.’ He’s told to connect himself to Pietro. Chuckie is next, draws ‘suspect’, and joins Pepper at the board. Spencer also draws ‘suspect’ and joins the others. Lucky draws ‘detective’ and is quickly latched to Chuckie. Five minutes later, Emily is latched to Spencer, Haley is latched to Susie, Taylor is latched to Kristen, Angelica is latched to Lynn, and Cisco is latched to Pepper.

There are only two slips left and, since there are two suspects at the board, Chloe and Mona will be detectives. Going by alphabetical order, Gibbs assigns Chloe to Darcy and Mona to Josie. Once this is set, Gibbs calls the front office, and the PA system once again clicks on.

**_Attention, students: If you are in Mr. Gibbs’ class three or class five law class, please report to Mr. Gibbs’ classroom immediately. Please bring your belongings. If you are in Mr. Gibbs’ class three or class five law class, please report to Mr. Gibbs’ classroom immediately. Please bring your belongings. That is all._ **

At a quarter till three, Gibbs has excused his honor students to the library or auditorium to continue free period. Gibbs’ third and fifth-period classes are left in the classroom, handcuffed to one another as detectives and suspects.

“Alright. Obviously, you’ll be spending a lot of time with each other. We’re going to have you taking turns going to each other’s homes. Again, I stress that your parents have been made aware of this situation. The best way we can take turns is in alphabetical order.” He goes to the whiteboard and writes everyone’s names down:

Fuchsia Glover | Leonard Snart Summer Roberts | Sam Winchester

Alexis Castle | Steve Rogers Bugs Bunny | Daffy Duck

Doug Blöd | Cas Novak Barry Allen | Pietro Maximoff

Chuckie Finster | Lucky Hennessey Darcy Lewis | Chloe Sullivan

Sherlock Holmes | HK Michaels Bert Frankston | Tina Russo

L Lawliet | Light Yagami Justine Flanner | Dylan Marshall

Lola Bunny | Butch Gilzean Susie Carmichael | Haley Pritchett

Marissa Cooper | Simon Seville Peter Burke | Neal Caffrey

Jane Foster | Teresa Lisbon Kristen Kringle | Taylor McKessie

Josie McCoy | Mona Vanderwaal

With the students settled with whose house they’re starting off at, Gibbs sits at his desk and leaves them to their own devices.

“Do you have a car?” Fuchsia asks her suspect.

“No,” He snorts. “Don’t you?”

“I’m fourteen.”

“Well, shit,” He scoffs. “Guess we’re walking.”

“No,” She shakes her head and pulls out her phone. “I’ll get us a ride to the hospital.”

“Hospital?”

“My aunt Debbie was in some kind of accident this morning.”

“Bus 1775?” Chloe asks, interrupting their conversation.

“Yeah,” Fuchsia looks up, thumbs hovering over her screen. “You heard about it?”

“My dad was in it. I can give you guys a lift.”

Fuchsia sighs. “Thank you. That’d be a big help.”

“No worries.”

Darcy bites her bottom lip and swings Chloe’s arm. “I don’t like hospitals. I’m gonna text Mischief to meet me there.”

“Mischief?” Chloe raises her eyebrow. “Boyfriend?”

“Ex. But we’re best friends above everything else.”

Chloe smiles but doesn’t respond.

**To: Mischief**

**From: Darcy**

Meet me @ hospital?

**To: Frizz**

**From: Loki**

What the Hel did you do?

**To: Mischief**

**From: Darcy**

I’m going w Chloe 2C her dad

**To: Frizz**

**From: Loki**

Who?

**To: Mischief**

**From: Darcy**

[pic of handcuff chain]

Class project. Don’t freak.

**To: Frizz**

**From: Loki**

I’ll be there.

**To: Mischief**

**From: Darcy**

Thx babe

3:00, the bell rings for school to let out. Fuchsia and Leonard follow Darcy and Chloe to the latter’s red Beetle. Sam follows Summer to her Tesla, ignoring her snarking about how it’s pathetic how tall he is, and he relies on his brother for a ride. Using the excuse that the cuff is on her right wrist, Alexis convinces Steve to leave his Jeep behind in favor of her VW Golf. Bugs explains to [read: argues with] Daffy that since they’re going to _his house_ , they won’t be taking Daffy’s pickup.

“What hapthened to your sthticking to the rulesth? You don’t have a driver’z lithensthe.”

He pulls out his cell phone. “I’ll text Poiky. He’ll give us a ride.”

Daffy groans in protest but lets Bugs tug on their connection and whip out his phone. Since Cas is a senior with a car and Doug is a sophomore without one, Castiel steers the latter toward his Lincoln Continental that matches his trenchcoat. Once Pietro learns that Barry drives a Mini Cooper, he’s excitedly dragging the former down the hallway to ride in it. Spotting his sister walking toward the bus loading dock, he shouts after her.

“Wanda! Guess what? I get to ride in a Mini Cooper!”

Other than flipping him off, she shows no other sign of acknowledgment. It doesn’t stop either of them from moving, and Barry is forced to chase after his suspect. While Chuckie normally takes the bus, Lucky has an ’88 Ferrari F90.

“It’s so bright.” Chuckie comments, eyes widening as they reach the car.

“Signal green.” Lucky nods, handing him the keys. “It’ll be easier if _you_ drive.”

Chuckie fails to keep the smile from his face or the squeak from his voice. “Cool.”

Sherlock verbally analyzes HK as they slide into the latter’s ’71 Cadillac Eldorado. Once the key slides into the ignition, Sherlock inputs his address on HK’s phone and hands it back while whipping out his own. HK chooses not to question how the other grabbed his phone and focuses on how to get to the townhouse.

**To: J**

**From: SH**

Meet @ Angelo’s.

  * SH



**To: SH**

**From: John**

When?

  * J



**To: J**

**From: SH**

7pm tonight.

  * SH



**To: SH**

**From: John**

I’ll take a taxi. 

  * J



**To: J**

**From: SH**

Take bus 1892.

Goes by Flush ‘n Park @ 6:28.

  * SH



**To: SH**

**From: John**

Will do. 

  * J



The Beetle slides into a parking place, and Fuchsia thanks Chloe as she and Leonard work together to get out of the car. Chloe calls after Leonard when he decides to scuff up her car by climbing over the side. Darcy climbs over the gearshift and follows Chloe out.

“Hey, we’re going to get a ride home with my cousin.” Fuchsia smiles sheepishly. “Thanks for the lift.”

“No worries.” Chloe answers with a forced smile.

She and Darcy are split from Fuchsia and Leonard when a green Kawasaki swerves into the next parking space. Chloe bites her tongue not to say anything since she recognizes the driver as the student with who she got into a fight over a library book.

**_*flashback to last week*_ **

_Chloe’s just found the last book in the school library on a specific area of Norse Mythology. She strikes up a conversation with the student librarian at the counter over how she plans to write an article on similarities with a particular jock. As if summoned, a tall goth kid she’s seen around the school is suddenly in her personal space._

_“I thought I got rid of all those books.”_

_“Guess not.” Chloe shrugs._

_“Give me the book. It shouldn’t be here.”_

_“No way. I need this for”_

_“Your insipid article. Yes, I heard you. However, you need not write your article. You can write about anyone else in this damned institution.”_

_“Yeah, well, I want to write about Thor.” She turns to the librarian, intent on checking it out._

_He reaches out, swipes a thumb over his lighter, and sets the book on fire. Chloe lets the book go before the flames reach her or her sleeve. The librarian sweeps the book into a trash bin and pours her coffee over it to extinguish it. She glares at the goth, but he’s nonplussed about the episode. He hands the librarian $100._

_“That should cover the cost of the book and your coffee.”_

_He turns his focus on Chloe and glares at her. “Write about someone else.”_

**_*end flashback*_ **

Loki removes his helmet and shakes his long hair out. He turns off the engine and props his bike on its kickstand, stepping off. Chloe keeps her distance, but Loki invades her space.

“I’m writing my article on Roman Royal,” she blurts.

He merely raises an eyebrow. “Acceptable. Shall we, Frizz?”

Darcy smiles and links her right arm with his left. “Thanks for coming.”

“I said I would, did I not?” He asks, but his voice is soft.

Chloe, in shock, starts walking into the hospital with Darcy and Loki. Once they arrive at the check desk, Chloe has partially recovered.

“We’re here to see Gabe Sullivan. He was on bus 1775 this morning.”

The man behind the desk winces lightly as his fingers fly across the keyboard. “That was a bad one. Are you family?”

“He’s my dad.”

He nods, and his fingers pause. “Says here he’s in R217. Follow the map on the wall.”

Chloe thanks him as Loki leads them away. They pass St. Pantaleon interns – including high schoolers Hanna and Caitlin – along the way to the nearest elevator. Walking down the second-floor hallway, Chloe recognizes a few faces: Harry, Derek, and Trisha.

“Why is everyone here?” She mutters under her breath.

“This is the recovery floor,” Loki comments without looking over. “We’re here.”

Chloe hesitates but walks to his bed with Darcy and Loki trailing behind.

“Hey, Dad.”

“Hey, Watchtower.” He smiles, reaching out his hand to grasp hers. “Who’re your friends?”

“My name is Loki, Mr. Sullivan,” He speaks for her, smiling politely. “And this is Darcy. The girls have a project, and I’m helping Chloe write an article on a certain theater student.”

“Ah,” he nods understandingly and lightly squeezes his daughter’s hand. “That’s good to hear.”

“When are they letting you go?” Chloe asks.

“Tonight.” He pauses, noticing the cuffs. “Ah, I got a phone call about you, Darcy.”

In R215 next door, Uma has just fallen asleep again with help from the lidocaine. Harry stands up from his spot on the bed beside her feet so he can pace.

“I’m going to kill Pryce.”

Gil stands up, grabbing his arm before he can take a swing at the wall.

“No, you’re not.”

“It’s his fault. He was supposed to pick her up today. If he didn’t go in early for that damn test,”

“He didn’t know the driver would have a heart attack.”

“Then I’ll kill the driver.”

Gil bites his bottom lip. “Well, he’s dead, but we can go stab his body in the morgue if it’ll make you feel better.”

An abrupt gasp of a laugh escapes Harry’s lips, and he slumps against Gil. The younger teenager sits on the nearest chair and pulls Harry onto his lap as the fight goes out.

Across the hall in R214, Lee wakes up from her nap. Katara has only been in the room for ten minutes but jumps up.

“How’re you feeling?”

Lee smiles a little. “Hey, Tara. I’m alright.” She blinks, taking in the girl’s backpack in the visitor’s chair. “You’re not here as a nurse, are you?”

“No… Sokka drove me here after school.”

“Where is Captain Boomerang?”

“Cafeteria, I think.”

A few rooms down, in R210, Sarah has gotten dressed. She got off easy: a small gash on her side and sprained wrists. She’s stitched up and given braces. Derek and Desiree help her to her feet – immediately moving her to a wheelchair. In R209, Debbie is sitting up in her bed. Her nephews Bobby and LB sit in the visitor’s chairs while her niece Alisa is at the ready to help. Her niece Fuchsia stands behind LB’s chair with Leonard still chained to her. Her son Jamal tells her about his day at her request. He’s in the fifth grade and learned about Pocahontas, climate change, and he’s got homework to write a book report.

“Have you decided on a book?”

He nods. “It’s called _I Am the Ice Worm_. It’s about a teenager who survives a plane crash in the Arctic, and this Inupiat man helps her, and she learns about his way of life.”

The Glovers become invested by the story, not looking away despite the cacophony of sounds beyond the door. Nick and his sisters, Trisha and Kalli, wait by the elevators. Nick is on crutches, having broken his foot and stayed the day for a serious concussion.

Seven floors up, Bucky awakes from a long day and surgery. He is missing the flesh of the arm at his left. In its place is a titanium prosthetic. He groggily identifies his ex-girlfriend Natasha in the room, speaking to the doctor.

“… long un… move his arm?”

“… mind-control… self-contained… sensory feedback… his everyday activities.”

Natasha’s breath hitches, and she puts on her stoic, business-like mask. “Will he be able to _feel_ anything there?”

“The neuromusculoskeletal prosthesis will occasionally react in which he will experience phantom sensations.”

“So, he’ll think he feels his arm when it isn’t there?” A new voice joins them in the doorway.

Nat looks over and sees Bucky’s eighth-grader sister, Becky. The younger girl glares minutely at the redhead before turning her attention on the doctor.

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

“His sister. Dad dropped me off.”

Nat bites the inside of her cheek to not say anything about the man. The doctor turns and explains the concepts of Bucky’s arm and the levels of pressure he might experience. He explains how Level One would be equivalent to touching the skin with the tip of a pencil; Level Ten would feel as though he were electrocuted.

At the Loud house on Franklin Ave, Lincoln sits on the couch with a letter in his hand. He sent out a mass text to his sisters about receiving an anonymous love letter for ‘L Loud’ in the mailbox. There’s no return address, and the note is typed, so it could be for anyone from anyone. Luna’s tuning her guitar in the corner, Lucy and Lisa are reading books, and Leni and Lola are painting each other’s nails. Lily’s working on her homework, and the kids are waiting for Luan, Lynn, and Lana to show up so they can get to the bottom of the mystery. A phone chimes, breaking the silence.

**Loud Chat**

**Once Luan a Time:** On my way. EJ’s giving me a ride.

 **LLJ:** We practiced w Skaterina Skulls & won!

 **Prencas Lola:** Lana wear r u?

 **Lanadeck:** Luca’s house. Y?

 **Lincoln Log:** We’re waiting for everyone to get home. C’mon!

Down on Lazy Lane at Daffy’s house, he and Bugs eat popcorn and watch an episode on _Jeopardy!_ while Elmer is at work.

“I’ll take _Things to Take with You on Vacation_ for $200.”

“In case you hit the beach, bring this rated SPF or higher.”

Daffy points at the screen and yells, “Sthunglathses!”

“Sunscreen,” Bugs comments while grabbing a book he left two days ago.

Bugs is correct. The contestant onscreen chooses _Colors_ for $400.

“Celebrate St. Patrick’s Day by dyeing your mashed potatoes this color.”

“Magenta!”

Bugs finds his place in the book. “Green.”

The contestant chooses _Pop Culture_ for $800.

“Beyonce has more than sixty million followers on this photo-sharing app whose logo looks like a Polaroid camera.”

“Sthnapchat!”

“Eenstagram.” Bugs deadpans without looking up from the book. “Don’t you check yours every day?”

Daffy huffs, but he immediately brightens as _Jeopardy!_ goes on a commercial break.

“Did you hear about the televisthion show the Yearbook Committee is doing?”

Bugs raises an eyebrow. “Haven’t hoid.”

“It’s called _Besthties_ , and they’re filming every Sthaturday. Three sthets of friends can sthign up for each episthode.”

“Sounds familiar.”

“Good,” Daffy nods and takes a handful of popcorn. “Because I sthigned us up this week.”

Bugs finally sets the book down as the show returns. “You did what?”

Luan and Lana get home quicker. When Lynn finally walks through the front door, Lily gets Lincoln’s attention and pulls her older sister into the living room where the rest of them are gathered. The TV is shut off, books are closed, and caps return to nail polish bottles. Lincoln pulls out the anonymous letter, clears his throat, and explains that he found it in the mailbox, addressed to ‘L Loud.’

“ _Dear L. Loud,  
Day after day,  
I hope and I pine,  
I'm too shy to come forward,  
But I wish you were mine.  
-Signed, your secret admirer._”

“But, like, that could be for any of us.” Leni points out the obvious, and then her eyes brighten. “Ooh, maybe it’s from Eli!”

“Possible,” Lisa comments, “And surprisingly a good idea.”

“I know. Eli totally looks at me when Lori”

“No, no.” Lisa waves. “I meant it’s a good idea to name who all this letter could be from. Okay, Leni likes Lori’s coworker. Luna?”

“There’s a cool rocker dude at school. Sam.”

Lisa nods. “Let’s go around the room. Lucy?”

“Harry Hook can look into my soul.”

“If he can see anything past that eyeliner.” Lynn scoffs, grabbing the letter. “I hope it’s from Johnny von Detten.”

“Or Penelope Garcia,” Lincoln grabs the letter back. “She’s a wicked gamer.”

“Maybe it’s Johnny Scotto!” Luan grins excitedly.

“Or perhaps Jamal Kendall.” Lisa snatches the letter. “One of the few students smart for his age.”

“I would _love_ for this to be from Victor Best to me. Because that would mean he knows that I am the best.”

Lana rolls her eyes at her twin’s theatrics. “Jim Possible is an awesome mechanic. He’s tricking out his sister’s car for homecoming.”

The Loud siblings turn to their preschooler sister, who shrugs.

“I dunno. Maybe Holly just wants to sleep over.”

At the Old Senora boarding house, two teenagers and a college graduate finish their third consecutive game of Ludo. Remy rolls his die.

“Five, ha-ha! Go on home, little green bitch! I win.”

“Great.” Virgil sighs. “Isn’t the point of this letting him win?”

“How would that cheer me up?” Emile raises an eyebrow. “Besides, it’s not my type of game.”

Virgil’s eyes twinkle. “How ‘bout a game of Trivial Pursuit?”

“You got it, Boo.” Remy takes a sip of his Frappe as there’s a knock on the door. “I’ll get the visitor. You set up the game. I call pink!”

He walks over and flamboyantly answers the door. “Patty? Snakey? Tomathy? What are you three doing here?”

“It’s not as if we care about the shrink.” Janus scoffs.

Patton places a hand on his twin’s arm. “Hi, Coffeebean. We heard Emmy was in the crash, and we came for…”

“Moral support.” Thomas supplies when Pat blanks.

Remy smiles softly. “Come on in. We were about to play Trivial Pursuit.”

Janus pushes ahead and grabs the green pie piece, startling Virgil and plopping down at his left. Patton sighs and Remy offers him some coffee.

“I bought, like, twenty cups at one time. They’re all in the fridge.”

“Well, I guess I can have just”

Remy interrupts him by shoving a vanilla bean crème Frappuccino with extra foam in his hand. Patton blinks at first and then smiles shyly.

“You remembered how I like it.”

He nods. “You can be blue.”

Patton sits next to his player piece, to Virgil’s right. Remy sits at Patton’s other side. Emile sits next to Remy, taking the yellow piece, and Thomas is left with the orange piece between Emile and Janus.

“Highest roller goes first?” Remy asks, breaking the silence.

“You go.” Emile offers. “You won Ludo.”

Remy nods and rolls a two. “Sports and Leisure.”

Patton takes a card. “What’s the tallest piece on a chessboard?”

“Oh, the little castle thing. It’s called a rook, right?”

He shakes his head. “No, it’s the king.”

Emile rolls a four. “Entertainment.”

Remy grabs a card. “How long is Camptown Racetrack?”

“I know the song…”

“There’s a song about a racetrack?” Thomas asks.

“Sure, Kiddo.” Patton smiles. “Remember: _Camptown races, sing this song, doo-dah, doo-dah…_ ”

“Oh, yeah.”

Emile hums the song and grins when he recalls the words. “ _Camptown Racetrack’s five miles long, oh, the doo-dah day!_ Five miles.”

Remy nods. Emile places a pink wedge in his pie piece and rolls again. He gets a three.

“Let’s get geography out of the way.”

Remy reads the top of his card. “What’s the largest Japanese island?”

“Ooh, I don’t think there’s a song for that one. I am going to guess… Kyushu?”

Remy clicks his tongue. “Not quite. Anyone else want to guess for fun?”

“Rishiri?” Patton tries, but Remy shakes his head.

“It’s Honshu.”

Thomas’s turn and he rolls a three. He moves his piece toward Emile’s. “Sports and Leisure.”

Emile takes a card. “What’s the only Australian city to have hosted the Olympic Games?”

“Melbourne!” He states with confidence.

Emile stares back in shock. “How _on earth_ did you know that?”

Thomas smiles cheekily. “It’s the only Australian city I know.”

The others laugh as Thomas selects an orange slice. He rolls again and gets a five.

“Art and Literature.”

Emile looks down. “What Irving Wallace book is about a black U.S. president?”

“ _Head of State_.” Again, he shows no hesitance.

Emile raises an eyebrow. “Because of the Chris Rock movie?”

Thomas nods, and Emile shakes his head.

“Sorry, no. It’s called _The Man_.”

Thomas sighs and Janus takes his turn. He rolls a two and grins.

“Science and Nature.”

Thomas pulls a card. “What tusked creature helped embellish sailors’ tales of unicorns?”

Janus narrows his eyes. “Narwhals.”

Thomas smiles. “Yep.”

He takes a green slice and rolls again. One.

“History.”

“What World War I battle saw 60,000 troops killed on the first day?”

“Damn! Troop would know this one. Battle of Gallipoli.”

Thomas winces. “Battle of the Somme.”

Janus shrugs, and Virgil rolls the die. Five.

“Science and Nature.”

Janus picks up a card. “How many colors are there in the spectrum?”

“Same as the rainbow. Seven. I think.”

Janus tilts his head. “I’m gonna take it. Get him a green piece.”

Virgil rolls the die and gets a two.

“Sports and Leisure.”

“Alright. How many golf balls are there on the moon?”

“… three?”

Janus nods, and Patton places an orange wedge into the pie piece. Virgil rolls again and gets a one.

“Entertainment.”

“Who has a license plate reading ‘A1ANA2’?”

“Kareem, I guess. He does sports, right?”

“Guess you don’t ‘do sports’, do you? It was Lawrence Welk.”

“Who’s that?”

Janus shrugs. “Who cares? You’re winning. Pat’s turn.”

Patton collects the die and rolls a three.

“Science and Nature.”

Virgil takes a card. “What’s the most widely-eaten fruit in America?”

“Mmmm… apples?”

“Sorry, Pop Star. It’s a banana.”

“Aw, shoot.” He huffs lightly and hands the die over. “Your turn, Sleepy.”

Seven o’clock draws close. Sherlock sits in the passenger seat of HK’s Pimpmobile, waiting for his… friend. Bus 1892 finally pulls up, and John is the only passenger who exits at the stop. As John walks in, Sherlock steps out, dragging HK with him. The latter glowers at him, but Sherlock pays him no mind. John takes a table with a booth near the window, and Sherlock and HK follow.

“What the h- who is this?”

“HK. Ignore him.”

The next twenty minutes are awkward and mostly unspoken. HK orders a milkshake and Sherlock orders off the dessert menu. John orders some actual food as he’s skilling dinner for this. HK whips out his phone, and Sherlock prods his pie while waiting for John to finish. Attempting to learn who this HK is and what is happening here, John breaks the silence.

“… so, you’ve got a boyfriend.” He motions toward the other.

“No.”

“Okay, you’re unattached. Just like me, then. Fine.”

Sherlock surveys John’s awkward lack of eye contact and clears his throat. “John, I think you should know that I consider myself married to my schoolwork. While I am flattered by-”

“No, no,” John shakes his head and sets his fork down. “I was just saying. You know, it’s all fine.”

“Good. Thank you.” Sherlock takes his first spoonful of pie and takes a bite.

Less than half an hour later, Sherlock and John manage to talk a little about the class they share before parting ways. John notices the handcuffs when HK pays for his and Sherlock’s ‘meal’, but he decides not to say anything. He also notices the Pimpmobile but again stays quiet as he walks to the bus stop. When in the car, HK turns to Sherlock.

“That was a massive-”

Sherlock quickly switches on the radio and turns it to a loud rock station to drown out any sense of conversation. HK rolls his eyes and turns his GPS back on the phone to correctly drive back to Sherlock’s house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Always feel free to leave comments. If you're not flaming my story or criticizing my writing style, I love to hear from you!


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